WORLD magazine addresses destructive/abusive marriages

Hidden violence

Spousal abuse is a widespread sin that many churches ignore at their—and their members’—peril

 

Hidden violence and trauma comes in many forms within an abusive marriage. This is what most of my website has been dedicated to addressing for almost the last five years. I want to bring to light that which has remained concealed in darkness through most of history. I’m grateful beyond words that the topic is being addressed by authors and news outlets with high international viewership, and professional expertise.

My goal isn’t simply to pull back the blinds on abusive spouses and find safety, sanity, and healing for the victims. My prayer is that God will miraculously, through the church, bring these abusers to a place of healing. Statistics tell is this is nearly if not completely impossible. It can happen, but the abuser must begin with admitting their sin/abusive character (many have a personality disorder – all are angry and controlling)), they must want the help, and they must seek long-term, professional help from a counselor who works with abusers. Marital counseling is not an option during this time. A victim cannot be expected to sit in the same room with the abuser. The abuser must first seek help and healing.

Here is an excerpt from WORLD magazine…

“As these three cases suggest, refereeing domestic abuse situations is not easy. They often do not provide obvious evidences of broken bones or bruises. Most of the damage from domestic abuse is invisible: It involves repetitive behaviors that terrorize, dehumanize, objectify, degrade, and control spouses. Such abuse is a hammer to the soul, pounding over and over at the personhood, dignity, and freedom of a spouse.

Many church leaders don’t understand the dynamics and effects of domestic abuse, or don’t even believe that such evil exists in their pews. Instead of addressing the deeper heart issue behind abuse, church leaders typically address the behaviors by recommending anger management counseling, couples therapy, confession, and forgiveness.”

Read the article here…

Hidden violence

Spousal abuse is a widespread sin that many churches ignore at their—and their members’—peril

 

 

 

 

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Happy Hour: Celebrating 20+ years following Beth as she follows Christ

HAPPY HOUR: Fridays AT 5:00 P.M.—Kick back after a hard week’s work and enjoy the intoxicating goodness of true love and wisdom without putting a dent in your wallet.    It’s like free fast food for your soul. ~Enjoy!

 

I want to encourage one of my closest friends; whom I’ve never met, Beth Moore. 

I advocate for women who are in, or are leaving, destructive marriages. What I’m seeing take place on the internet in recent months is nothing short of destructive theology and it’s targeted at women. It’s abuse. As I minister I tell the woman I’m meeting with and praying with, “You’re not crazy. You didn’t do anything to bring this on yourself.  You’re strong. You will survive this and come out stronger on the other side. I know you have moments when you feel like you can’t take any more but remember; Jesus lives to intercede for you so, don’t listen to or fear those who come against you. The distance makes no difference to Jesus; He is praying for you!”

“It is because of Jesus that anyone is set free. And remember, it is only in him that women gain true equality. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28.)” -Tim Fall

Twenty five years ago I had done the Bible studies Experiencing God by Blackaby and King and The Mind of Christ by Hunt and King. They left me hungry for more in-depth studies but I couldn’t find any.

Enter Beth Moore. For 20+ years she has been a godly influence in my life by encouraging me to read my Bible, pray God’s word, ask God questions while reading his word, spend time in praise and worship, disciple others, minister to others, be mission minded, pass on a spiritual heritage to my children, and be involved in my local church.Beth

I thank her for being real and transparent, being a humble servant, keeping her eyes focused completely on Jesus, not throwing in the towel when nay-sayers came against her, for knowing she isn’t perfect and sharing with her readers how God is growing her and working in her life, and for helping eager students dig into the word and find how God has carefully and purposefully woven a beautiful tapestry of His story throughout history while finding hidden treasures in His word.

I’ve followed Beth as she’s followed Christ. I’ve read and studied almost all of her books and studies. I checked for accuracy. I understand her heart for Jesus, and for women.  I feel like I know her and her family, and I’m a better woman because of it. I can’t imagine I would be as in love with Jesus had Beth not shown me the depth of relationship possible with God the Father, Jesus the son, and our comforter; the Holy Spirit.

I was so pleased, and changed, from spending time with God that I had a burning desire to pass on the love of studying the Bible to my children. My daughter had watched me do these studies for years and I often found her peeking over my shoulder to see what all the tears, laughter, and amazement were about, or to watch a video on-line with me when I was too sick from pregnancy to regularly attend a study at our church. By age 8, my daughter was asking when she could do the studies. If my memory serves me correctly, I lead 7 studies, written by Beth, during my daughter’s high school years. We hosted a mother-daughter study in our home and had between 14-18 moms and daughters every-other Wednesday night. It was some of the most beautiful treasure a mom’s heart could uncover. I’ll never regret the time, heart, tears, laughter, and ministry poured out during those studies. Everyone grew from participating in the studies!

Then my boys (currently ages 14 & 15) wanted to do the studies. I offered to take them to the bookstore to pick out something geared toward them, but they said, “No, we like Beth.” This week we finished our fourteenth in-depth study together; ten of which were written by Beth Moore, two by Lysa Terkeurst, one by Blackaby and King, one by Hunt and King, and the next two are by Priscilla Shirer.  After each study I give them the option to buy something written by a man but they have been pleased with their own personal growth in knowledge, prayer, relationship with the Lord, and zeal for the Lord that Beth’s studies offer.

Beth, you’ve made my life so much happier, joyful, purposeful, and loving as I’ve grown in love with Jesus through your hours of studying, praying, writing, and passing on your passion. I know Jesus loves you, delights in you, speaks to your heart, soul, mind and strength, and will continue to use you.

Happy weekend! Happy Hour!

Cheers! To Beth Moore and her contagious love for our Savior Jesus Christ.

 

 

 

Beth Moore on misogyny, objectification and astonishing disesteem of women

 

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Photo Credit: Facebook Public Profile Picture Beth Moore Nederland

In case you’re not active on Twitter, I’ll tell you that tweets have been flying for a few months regarding a woman’s place and value in the gospel, and in our current society. Some of the most abashing comments come from mature, well-known leaders in the Christian community.

 

I’ve addressed this on Twitter and in past blog posts. Beth Moore has addressed this on Twitter several times, but today she took the time to post an open letter on the Living Proof Ministries blog.

Beth noticed a year and a half ago what many other men and women in Christian ministry were reading: “Then early October 2016 surfaced attitudes among some key Christian leaders that smacked of misogyny, objectification and astonishing disesteem of women and it spread like wildfire. It was just the beginning. I came face to face with one of the most demoralizing realizations of my adult life: Scripture was not the reason for the colossal disregard and disrespect of women among many of these men. It was only the excuse. Sin was the reason. Ungodliness.”

Beth opens her letter siting the reasons for speaking on the subject; a subject she planned not to speak about until she was on her death-bed. Be sure to click the link below to read her full article.

“This is where I cry foul and not for my own sake. Most of my life is behind me. I do so for sake of my gender, for the sake of our sisters in Christ and for the sake of other female leaders who will be faced with similar challenges. I do so for the sake of my brothers because Christlikeness is at stake and many of you are in positions to foster Christlikeness in your sons and in the men under your influence. The dignity with which Christ treated women in the Gospels is fiercely beautiful and it was not conditional upon their understanding their place.”

Beth continues on, telling about an encounter with a giant in the faith. This is a scenario sisters-in-Christ face day in and day out from some Christian brothers; married ones none-the-less. I’ve lost track of the times brothers didn’t keep eye contact with me because their eyes were busy looking my every curve up and down. Enough! We aren’t blind or naive; we know what you’re doing.

“About a year ago I had an opportunity to meet a theologian I’d long respected. I’d read virtually every book he’d written. I’d looked so forward to getting to share a meal with him and talk theology. The instant I met him, he looked me up and down, smiled approvingly and said, “You are better looking than _________________________________.” He didn’t leave it blank. He filled it in with the name of another woman Bible teacher.

We are not out to destroy men, take their place, or treat them like objects. They are not second class citizens, but neither are we. No one is! Beth agrees:

“I think I can speak for many of us when I say we are neither interested in reducing or seducing our brothers.”

Back to Twitter: It isn’t full of anti-woman rhetoric only. There are many men interjecting support, hope, words of affirmation and healing, and statements and questions of accountability to those who do not show the heart of Jesus to God’s daughters. Thank you!

Beth has also noticed: “The irony is that many of the men who will give consideration to my concerns do not possess a whit of the misogyny coming under the spotlight. For all the times you’ve spoken up on our behalf and for the compassion you’ve shown in response to “Me too,” please know you have won our love and gratitude and respect.”

Finally Beth ends with asking for, “forgiveness both from my sisters and my brothers. My acquiescence and silence made me complicit in perpetuating an atmosphere in which a damaging relational dynamic has flourished. I want to be a good sister to both genders. Every paragraph in this letter is toward that goal.”

Please take the time to read Beth’s complete letter: A Letter to My Brothers

Headline: Abused women need to stay and pray

 An abuse victim needs to stay and pray for their abuser until the abuser changes.

Sadly, this is what many churches and counselors teach. I think they believe they are scriptural, but they are incorrectly applying scriptures from 1 Peter 3:1-6, while completely leaving out verse 7, and then tack on Malachi 2:16 as a one-size fits all verse.

Any abuse that a husband perpetrates against his wife is sin, not only against her, but against a holy God.

Any pastor who sends a wife home knowingly to an abusive husband sins against a holy God. 

In case you’ve missed the hoopla surrounding what some high-ranking Christian leaders believe and teach about marital abuse; I’ve attached 2 links at the end of this article so you can read for yourself the original wording.

Almost every day I read of yet another Christian leader who believes divorce is sin…period. I could blog full-time on this one issue, but my calling is to minister to abused women. But today, since this headline involves a leader high up in a denominational setting, who has leadership over hundreds of thousands of Christians (one report I read listed the membership at 15 million), I want to address this as a courtesy and protection to abused women. 

I want to validate what survivors are living through and affirm that they are strong; not emotionally unstable, loving; not going against scripture, setting healthy boundaries, not being hard-hearted,  caring for themselves and their children, not turning their back on the abuser out of vengeance, and correctly applying scripture; not sinning against God. 

This current headline refers to a leader who has for a decade received backlash from survivors of domestic abuse over his legalistic, uncaring counsel that has further kept victims in abusive relationships. He refused to believe 25 cases of sexual abuse against one man. He sided with and protected a serial abuser by mandating that any woman who wanted to bring charges against the man must have witnesses to verify the abuser’s behavior of her. The audacity of that is undefinable! He and others who have been known to teach that abused women need to stay and pray for their abuser until God changes his heart, or until the abuser changes don’t understand the nature of abusers.

Fact 1: The Holy Spirit won’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to do.

Fact 2: According to specialists in the field of domestic violence there is little to no proof that abusers will ever change. In fact, these abusers have been referred to as  Psychephiles and are ranked in the unhealable category as are pedophilic offenders.

That’s a hard dose of reality to add to a sick and lazy approach many church leaders take when ministering to abused spouses; an approach which cost some victims their lives. It’s easy to give lip service and do nothing. It’s difficult to helplessly listen to descriptions of abuse and even more difficult to offer intervention, a safe place to live, practical gifts of service and financial help to the oppressed.

The stay and pray slant is a popular instruction in many churches and institutions. If the subject were a normal marriage with two healthy people; going through a difficult time, disagreement, or fight then ‘stay and pray’ would be sound advice. In this case it’s dangerous instruction. The women I minister to testify how difficult this is for them and their children. Church leaders put them in an unbearable position and when the women sit down to talk to me they all relay similar thoughts of feeling crazy…depressed…confused. Remember, they have already been beaten down at home for years; if not decades by the time they muster up the courage to tell their story to their pastor or church leader. They are often expending their last ounce of strength so when they are told to ‘stay and pray’ they have no strength left to challenge their pastor. They are traumatized at home and retraumatized by the church.

 The above mentioned pastor sent a women back to kneel beside the bed and pray for her husband. His counsel resulted in the woman receiving two black eyes from her husband.

She came to church one morning with both eyes black.  And she was angry at me and at God and the world, for that matter.  And she said, “I hope you’re happy.”  And I said, “Yes ma’am, I am.”  And I said, “I’m sorry about that, but I’m very happy.”

This was abuse of authority. When the woman walked into church with two black eyes the pastor should have called the police and had the man arrested.

The woman later said that her husband was sorry for what he did and their marriage became better. This is perhaps the only time I’ve heard a success story. In most cases of domestic violence the abuse escalates with time; not diminishes

This Wade Burleson article, along with yesterday’s Spiritual Sounding Board article, provides a great summary of the issues at stake with Dr. Paige Patterson and the Southern Baptist Convention. Our distaste for divorce or love of the institution of marriage cannot – must not – surpass the safety of the abused. This is not just a Patterson issue, although Patterson cannot be ignored. It’s time to get this right. No one hates divorce more than someone who has experienced it, but it always has a moral context and it is not always wrong or to be avoided.” Cheryl Bowles Summers

 

“To these brothers who may have ears open enough to hear from a sister who has come to love you and see glimpses of hope in you that maybe you’ll be willing to grapple with the tension glaringly present in the New Testament regarding women, I say to you with respect: Fix this, in Jesus’ Name.” Beth Moore

 

Physical abuse is not the only type of domestic violence. Emotional, spiritual, financial, sexual, and verbal abuse are also real types of domestic violence. If you are in an unsafe situation, please know that more than God hates divorce, He hates that you are being abused. God approves of you leaving and finding safety. In the margin of this website you will find links to help you decide if you are or are not safe; as well as, links to help you leave safely, or stay safely in the relationship while keeping a sound mind and a healthy heart.

Next time I will continue with what the Bible says about women and their role in the Great Commission; as well as, their contribution to the gospel. Jesus had some radical teachings in response to the patriarchal system that had deeply rooted throughout history and continues to lend itself to marital, societal, and spiritual abuse. Thankfully, Jesus didn’t have an unbending view of marriage any more than He had a narrow view of the Sabbath. Jesus is about relationship and putting people first. Jesus wouldn’t leave a woman living in a personal hell; He would help her find freedom. He even helps the sinful woman find freedom. Doubt this? Read how He was counter-cultural in John 8:1-11.

Wade Burleson article

Spiritual Sounding Board

 

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Happy Hour: My natural + His super

HAPPY HOUR: Fridays AT 5:00 P.M.—Kick back after a hard week’s work and enjoy the intoxicating goodness of true love and wisdom without putting a dent in your wallet.    It’s like free fast food for your soul. ~Enjoy!

I  went through a season of personal transition that rocked my world and took years of prayer for breakthrough from a lie that wielded its power over me. God knew I had spent years praying about the problem and studying what His word had to say about it, but I still didn’t know what to do to get rid of the feeling. You see, I felt like a disappointment to God even though I knew He loved me and adored me.

There are certain people in our lives who naturally carry the power to touch our souls and when they damage our inner being it takes supernatural power to recover. So, God was sweet to take my natural and add His super to supernaturally heal my inner most being. 

I’m currently going through an in-depth Bible study on the book of Esther, and over the weekend I was reminded of my posture in being a woman like Esther who enlisted the help of others for overcoming obstacles that led to breakthrough, answers, freedom…life. Once I let my request be known to others who were willing to pray for me; the lie began to be dismantled within minutes and I was completely and permanently free of it within hours.

I wasn’t shocked; nope, but I was excited! I love when God works in my life to show me He’s like no other. I adore Jesus for showing up and showing off with overwhelming, lavish love, tenderness, and complete healing. I’m grateful that the Holy Spirit comforted me through the process. It’s just like Him!

I knew the ‘problem’ was a lie. I knew the truth in my heart and mind, but couldn’t shake the ‘feeling’. Now that I’m on the other side and have freedom over it I can testify, as I can over other life problems, traumas, divorce, death, severed relationships, difficult neighbors, auto-immune diseases …that God uses these places of transition to strengthen my heart, soul, mind and strength in who I truly trust in and what I really believe. Here’s more beauty in the process: in the middle of agonizing brokenness is where God allows us to experience some of our greatest nearness to Him.

My problem reminded me of what the Israelites were to specifically do in the midst of not knowing what to do.

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.  The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:13-14 (NIV). The word deliverance in this verse is translated as victory.

Even though God is never specifically mentioned in the book of Esther His heart and deliverance are beautifully etched in the fabric of the story.

And then there’s these scriptures:

“After having done all; stand.” Ephesians 6:13(NIV).

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” Ephesians 6:18 (NIV)

Now I can get back in the place of rest. Ahh…rest. It feels good!

Lies vs truth

 

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5 (NIV)

When our wounds are exposed to His wounds; our wounds are healed!

How about you? Do you need a breakthrough in some area of your life? Do you need messy wounds washed clean and the devil’s dirty lies wounded; evaporated? Perhaps like me, you need to enlist people to pray for you

“Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” Matthew 18:18 (NIV).

 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18: 19-20 (NIV).

 Cheers! To truth…and to healing!

 

Lyrics:

Some days you’re tired of trying to measure up
You see a girl whose not enough
When you look in the mirror
Some nights all you wanna do is hide
‘Cause every time you look inside
You’re face to face with failure
But you are loved, oh
Not because of what you’ve done, no
Even when your heart has run the other way
Nothing’s gonna change His love
And you are wanted
Not because you are perfect
I know that you don’t think you’re worth that kind of grace
But look into His face you’ll know
That you are loved…Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
You’ve searched for something that will stir your soul
That’ll make you feel less alone
But nothing ever saves you
Well He knew before you ever took a breath
There’d be days when you’d forget
How beautiful He made you
But you are loved, oh
Not because of what you’ve done, no
Even when your heart has run the other way
Nothing’s gonna change His love
And you are wanted
Not because you are perfect
I know that you don’t think you’re worth that kind of grace
But look into His face you’ll know…That Jesus
He chose you, He sees you
He knows you, o-o-oh oh
You are covered, forever, beloved, a daughterAnd you are loved
Not because of what you’ve done
Even when your heart has run the other way
Nothing’s gonna change His love
And you are wanted
Not because you are perfect
I know that you don’t think you’re worth that kind of grace
But look into His face you’ll know
That you are lovedLook into His face, you’ll see it there
Look into His face, you’ll know, oh-oh-oh
That you are loved, oh-oh-oh
That you are loved, oh-oh-oh
Look into His face, you’ll see it there
You are loved…

 

Listen to her frantic heart: Their abuser is trying to move their child away to an undisclosed location

didnt

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ABOVE: I posted this flashback from high school on my friend Michele’s Facebook page. Michele and I were best friends who lived in Eagle Grove, Iowa, during middle school. I moved to Oklahoma at the beginning of high school and Michele would visit me in Stillwater during the summers and attend my church’s youth group camping trips to the Rocky Mountains with me {Youth Quake}. We have always been so alike in many ways…and so different in others.

I wrote on her FB page: “Happy Birthday, friend! I’m grateful for a friend who enjoys living boldly on the wild side of life. Never boring, usually difficult, excitement around every bend, going to uncomfortable levels to help others achieve freedom and a better life. Here’s to another year! This pic of us is almost prophetic/metaphoric of the separate paths we walk today…we’re both in front; you’re on the left and I’m on the right, holding on for dear life, but heading in the same direction for women and children with similar goals: to make a positive difference in the world. I hope you had a wonderful day today! Love and {Hugs}.

Here is a snippet of Michele’s current chapter of life: This is typical. Studies show that when the dad challenges the mom for custody, they win 90% of the time. When there is documented abuse, perpetrated by the father, he still wins 73% of the time. This is the trauma many of the women I minister to endure.

Michele needs help now before her child is likely transported across USA borders to an undisclosed location where she will have no contact with her child and no means to protect him from her family’s abuser. Please continue reading and if at all possible, grand or small, please contribute to this child’s safety.

I wish family court would understand that a child’s right is not about making sure they stay in relationship with both parents when a family splits apart, but that a child has a right to a non-abusive home. I also wish family court would believe the woman and children when they testify to abuse. Studies show that the protective mothers are rarely lying. 

“Abused mothers tend to receive a mixed message from our society about protecting their children. While still living with an abusive man, a mother can be harshly criticized for exposing her children to him, and given such labels as ‘failing to protect,’ even if she is actually making various efforts to keep her children safe. However, once she leaves the man—which is what the society appears to be asking her to do—she is then at risk of being harshly criticized by family court judges and evaluators for her reluctance to expose her children to the same man, and may be labeled vindictive or told that she is the one who is failing to focus well on the needs of her children.

The sexual abuse scandal in the Catholic Church contains some instructive lessons. In some ways it is not the actions of the priests that was the most shocking, but of the bishops, cardinals, and mental health professionals who enabled the abuse by reassigning known perpetrators or declaring them to be cured when they were not. Family court judges are playing an analogous role in some cases, requiring children to have unsupervised contact with men who have beaten or threatened their mothers, including in some cases where there is ample evidence that their fathers have also been beating or sexually abusing the children directly. Communities that want to rescue children from the wounds of witnessing abuse have to put a high priority on exposing the actions of family law judges and calling for wide-ranging reform to legal procedure in custody and visitation cases.”

When Dad Hurts Mom, by Lundy Bancroft

 

Click here to help Michele keep her precious, loved  little cutie, and help protect an innocent child! You can enter 0 for the tip amount.Keep the Kid

 

 

“February 15, 2018 SHEEP’S SKIN SLIDES OFF: Today the judge got to see what a bully my ex is. It was a grueling day in court with my ex, who is our abuser, but won primary custody of our son in court. It started at 9am, but ended well at 3:45.

I haven’t paid him child support since he last assaulted me and he started using my money to pay criminal attorney fees. The AG in court tried to make arrangements for payments, but he refused to negotiate, insisting that I be jailed for my offense for 90 days (which is the standard sentence plus a $500 fine.)

The AG, unable to reach a payment agreement with my ex had to send it to the judge. I plead guilty to contempt for disobeying the custody order, agreed to the AG’s payment plan, but my ex kept insisting that I be jailed today anyway for my violation. They usually give you 3 months to pay before jail time.

It became clear to everyone in the courtroom that punishing me was far more important to him that actually receiving the money; or the best interest of our son, who would lose visitation with his mom and brother and sister for 90 days; and he obviously could care less about my two teenagers at home that I am responsible for. What would they do?

When the judge asked why I didn’t pay him, I recounted some of his latest criminal activity (stalking, harassment, child abuse, etc.) and told her how hard it is to escape domestic violence and get back on your feet. She didn’t even question it.

The judge didn’t sentence me to 90 days, plus gave me 5 years instead of the standard 3 months to catch up. Then she went on to explain some remedies to get my child back from this monster!!!! In court. In front of everyone! I walked out, not having to pay a dime today, and now he is texting me @#$%# @#$%&# text messages.”

That evening and the days to follow:  “There’s an open harassment case, yet he continues to send me abusive texts.”

This amounts to high stress for anyone on the receiving end of the abuse, harassment, and trauma.

“Survivors of sexual assault actually have a higher rate of PTSD than veterans returning home from the wars in West Asia. I believe this is because of the secondary abuse perpetrated by the police, lawyers, social workers and the court system, who betray the victims by not believing them and insulting them and rewarding or protecting the perpetrators of the assaults. I promise I will feel less traumatized if they actually held him accountable and put him in jail!”

April 2, 2018. “Aaaaagh! I just got served papers. My abusive ex, who won primary custody of our child, is now suing for sole custody of our child, asking the court to let him move away with him, and is asking the judge that I may not find out where they live! He has already gotten a passport application for my son, and I’m afraid he’s going to take him to Mexico!

I already have paperwork to file to get custody back, but lack the funds for a lawyer to present it. I’m afraid if we can’t raise the finances for this, we will not see our child again. Yikes! I’m paying this monster child support, and he’s using my funds to pull this crap!”

One of the most frustrating aspects of a case like this is the abuser’s ability to be a grand actor. To the outside world he looks kind, fun, engaging, a terrific parent, an encouraging provider, often professional…but make no mistake…he’s a monster in disguise; a master manipulator who spins stories to make the victim look unstable. The number one way to identify an abuser is that they never admit guilt or take responsibility for their actions. They deny, justify, explain, and minimize their words and actions against their prey.

 Here is what Don Hennessey, a relationship counselor and former director of the National Domestic Violence Intervention Agency, has to say about abusers. (This covers all types of abuse: physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, reproductive, spiritual, financial.) The ‘psychephile’ is a man who gains control of the mind of the target woman so that he can dictate the level of intimacy and sexual activity in the relationship. Don Hennessery compares a ‘psychephile’s recovery rate to that of a pedophile. There isn’t much proof that they are redeemable.

Click on resources below to read more about this wide-spread problem:

For Abuse Survivors, Custody Remains a Means by Which Their Abusers Can Retain Control

 

 

Happy Hour: What do you get?

HAPPY HOUR: Fridays AT 5:00 P.M.—Kick back after a hard week’s work and enjoy the intoxicating goodness of true love and wisdom without putting a dent in your wallet. It’s like free fast food for your soul. ~Enjoy!

 

When we rely upon organization, we get what organization can do; when we rely upon education, we get what education can do; when we rely upon eloquence, we get what eloquence can do.” A.C. Dixon   

Let’s keep going with this thought process…

 

When we rely on setting boundaries we get what boundaries can do.

When we rely on the legal system we get what the law can, or will, provide.

When we rely on the government we get what the government can do.

When we rely on money we get what money can do.

When we rely on friends we get what friends can do.

When we rely on our own wisdom we get what our limited thinking can provide.

When we rely on singing, preaching, or church we get what they can do.

 

 “But when we rely upon prayer, we get what God can do.” A.C. Dixon

 

I want what God can do!

I need what God can do!

How about you?

My favorite way to pray is to use God’s word; scripture, because it’s full of promises and precedence for us to pray. The words stay flat on the pages of our Bibles until we speak them. They are alive and active, sharper than any two edge sword when we turn them into prayer.

 

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword” Hebrews 4:12