I'm Carolyn…Passing on lessons I've learned dealing with toxic personalities. Calling out the church on sexual abuse cover-ups, and educating the church about abusers in their midst. Keeping you up to date on domestic violence cases, family court's poor handling of divorce cases involving domestic violence, laws that affect DV survivors, and deaths that have resulted because of DV.
This article is from Aarron Messer’s Facebook page. He has given me permission to print it in its entirety.
Our frustrations can be overwhelming. There are so many questions we do not have answers too that at times you wonder if there is anything you can do? One of those questions is what role if any has my father’s relationship with his girlfriend Spring Thomas played in the disappearance of my mother? I can’t answer that question. I can’t because I don’t know. However I can answer several other questions that can help you understand why our family is so pulled apart. I will not be proposing theories. I will not be speculating.
What you are reading are only facts that I know too be true from personal observation and direct statements from eye witnesses, detectives, Abram, Kerry and myself. Some facts may be denied by others or glossed over. This does not invalidate them as facts.
Dr. Thomas, Spring’s father was a dentist for 62 years he owned and operated a small dental clinic on Manchester Rd in St. Louis and besides his very public faithful Christian service to his church, organizing Easter Sunrise services in Babler State Park for half a century and beyond, a founding board member of Westminster Christian Academy he was an extremely sacrificial supporter of my father’s ministry for as long as I can remember. He not only was our families dentist a role in which he offered his services for free to support the ministry, but he personally paid for an orthodontist to extract all four of my impacted wisdom teeth 20+ years ago. He financially was a faithful donor to the ministry throughout his life until he passed in 2012.
Prior to my mother’s disappearance I personally had only met Spring a few times in passing. However Spring lives on a substantial piece of real estate in Wildwood a farm which she inherited from her parents. Spring was an only child, and both her parents have passed away. Spring was a caregiver for her parents caring for both of them as they aged until they died. The only family experience Spring has known has been caring for her parents. In fact being a caregiver is a common thread Spring and Lynn shared. My mother having cared for both her in-laws until they passed.
Spring has never been married and has no children. She loves her cats and serving her church and has a reputation for going out of her way to quietly care for people going through difficult circumstances much as my mother did. As her father was aging and after he retired from his practice, Missouri was experiencing a severe drought. The price of hay was off the charts and many Missouri farmers were selling off their cattle at rock bottom prices. Despite our family farms location in Ste Genevieve county being so far from Wildwood an arrangement was made in which Messer Farms the farm business entity belonging to Kerry, Spring agreed to house cattle in Wildwood to graze fields that were not being used and Kerry would help with the upkeep on Spring’s farm. This relationship continues today.
I cannot speculate on the relationship between Kerry and Spring at that time. However Abram has never been comfortable with the behavior between Kerry and Spring when working on her farm. The level of interaction communication and the nature of this business relationship which was much less about business as friendship was quite different than with any of you. You may know Kerry and Lynn from church, his ministry, homeschooling, even have known him since high school but I assure you that unless you worked on the farm with my father as Abram, Robert Fina, and myself have you do not know the particularly oddity of the non-public persona of Kerry Messer. In public my father has had to maintain an absolute veil of perfection. His suave charm and perfectly articulated speech is carefully crafted to maintain his image. Step into a field and let a calf run past you when we’re trying to get them through the head gate and you will see an entirely different Kerry.
Lynn thought very highly of Spring having shared a kindred spirit, in watching your parents age and pass. When a wife at church was dying of cancer and she called in her husband and told him who she wanted him to marry once she was gone sort of a loving match maker caring for the spouse she left behind my mother was enamored. She idealized and romanticized this notion of picking your spouse’s new partner. My mother picked Spring to be her replacement for Kerry. She not only went out of her way to tell Elizabeth “if anything happens to me, I think pop should marry Spring Thomas” on Monday the day before she disappeared but she made the same comment to several ladies from her church.
Of the many unanswered questions we wonder, what conversations did Lynn have with Spring? See Lynn personally asked a close friend in the weeks prior to her disappearance for prayer because she said, “I am going to have to have a confrontation with someone and it’s not going to be pleasant.” Was that person Spring? Lynn went to meet with Spring the week before she disappeared, it was just the two of them. What was that meeting about? I don’t know and while it may be easy to conjecture at we just don’t know, the same as investigators don’t know. Because, Spring has refused to answer further questions or submit to a lie detector test, on the advice of her attorneys. This is not speculation it is exactly what my dad told me when I asked why isn’t Spring willing to take a lie detector test? Regardless of the content of their conversation this was a critical point in my mother’s life, and the questions need to be answered.
In the weeks after mother disappeared many people volunteered to help search and support the search efforts. Spring was among those volunteers. In the first week of searching my dad established a rule that no one come in the house. This rule was strictly enforced. He asked women family friends not to hug him, because he was, “uncomfortable feeling their breasts” against himself. He especially did not want any women coming to see him in private or entering his house while he sat alone inside. This was and is bizarre for us but it’s actually normal for my dad.
See Kerry has always insisted that his behavior be above reproach that no one may be able to accuse him of inappropriate behavior around women. I was always taught that my dad would run up and down the stairs in Jefferson City at the capital not simply because it’s quicker but because he wouldn’t want to be in an elevator alone with a woman besides my mother. He refused rides back and forth to Jefferson City from women. Mind you the older ladies who drove out every week to feed representatives and host a Bible study had no intention of harming his reputation but dad had to be above reproach. When my dad drove the church bus, he refused to drive by himself if there was a possibility that a single woman would ride the bus.
There has been a suggestion that my dad has had affairs in Jefferson City, and my father has issued a challenge asking that anyone who knows of any affair come forward to the media. I would caution anyone who feels that this establishes some kind of alibi to know that it is not fair to do so. Detectives have assured me personally that multiple sources from Jefferson City have already stepped forward with allegations in private. Making his public challenge does not clear your name, it might sound good in a news story but… But the work of Missouri Family Network is renowned in conservative republican circles and anyone who would speak negatively of Kerry or make such an accusation publicly may soon find themselves unemployable. His challenges are not a defense but are intimidating for a victim and in a sense one day could be considered a criminal offence like witness intimidation.
I can personally speak of a particular relationship with a volunteer in Jefferson City who was very close to my father who poured hours into helping the work grow who suddenly overnight was a pariah too our family and the ministry. This young lady was a married volunteer and remains an active participant in Missouri politics. I couldn’t have been but a young teenager when this happened. But in years later when my mother was asked what happened why did we stop working with this family? My mother said that the young woman had made allegations that my father had made sexual advances on her.
Again legislative aids in the state capital building working in offices that my father worked through complained that they were uncomfortable that my father made physical advances on them. The first to complain was fired because my father’s reputation was so strong the only conclusion this senator could make was that she was lying. But after the replacement LA brought the same complaints about Kerry the working relationship between the MFN and the senator’s office completely disintegrated. While these incidents are not proof of any affair they reflect a clear inconsistency in the outward character of my father. Publicly upright and moral privately who knows? Well investigators know because they have been and continue to field calls from accusers and his children have known of these grumblings and rumors for years although we do not want to believe them.
The facts are that Spring Thomas was intimately involved in the search efforts for my mother from the beginning. As the investigation unfolded and detectives followed up on leads they heard how my mother has suggested that Kerry marry Spring if “anything” was to happen to her. They attempted to contact Spring to discuss her relationship with my dad and my mom. At the six week point of the investigation into moms disappearance Spring confirmed in a written statement that she was in fact in a relationship with my dad. After she made her statement to police she messaged Abram and in an odd conversation asked Abram if it was appropriate for her to continue to participate in searches? Abram was flabbergasted he had no idea why she would ask that? See the only people aware of Kerry and Spring’s relationship at that time was Spring, Kerry and investigators. Abram has since reflected that the purpose of that discussion was to identify if police had told him about the relationship.
Even before rumors of Kerry’s having a girlfriend surfaced numerous search participants came forward singling Spring out as having a special connection to Kerry reflecting on the close nature of Kerry’s attention bestowed on her when she was on the farm. Without prompting numerous people have identified and reflected that they knew something was up in the manner in which they interacted in those early days of searching. Spring herself had seemed glowing as she spoke with other searchers about her feet getting wet, and how Kerry had taken her inside the off limits house in private had dried her feet off and provided her with dry socks and shoes to wear.
No one in our family besides Kerry was aware of his relationship with Spring until May of 2015. When I describe too you the facts of my father’s relationship I am relaying to you not a theory or idea but his own words that he shared with me as I confronted him. The how and why of this confrontation begins with a follow up meeting with detectives that I had. At this point there had been zero real progress in the physical search for Lynn. Detectives explained how my dad had asked them permission to satisfy his urges for female companionship. That he had complained that he was accustomed to an active sex life and that the absence of Lynn was not simply emotionally draining but physically unbearable. They told him that they didn’t care what he did but they felt that was a conversation that he should be having with a pastor.
They told me that my dad was seeing Spring on a regular basis having dinner in private, dating, talking on the phone every day spending the majority of his time with her. They speculated that they did not know if there was an affair that had begun prior to July of 2014 but they explained numerous other things that my dad had orchestrated and had asked the police not to tell me or Abram. They did not fill my head with ideas that my dad was having an affair or had killed my mother, or try and turn me against my dad. They only shared the truth of how my dad had intentionally misled me and Abram and was hiding his new relationship.
I went home and I carefully weighed what they shared. I waited 24 hrs praying and considering how to respond to this information. I then went directly too my father and confronted him. Over the course of the next 9 hours of conversation he confessed to hiding the relationship, and explained that he really wasn’t sure when it had started but that he had feelings for Spring and hadn’t stopped thinking about her basically since mom disappeared. I demanded that he come clean to Abram and we spent all evening discussing the relationship and its consequences along with other elements of deception that he had pulled over on us including the content of the note.
While there is so much to say I will simply say that when I asked my dad if he had a girlfriend? He said “NO, but Aarron when did you start talking too Penny?” Now Penny is my girlfriend and has been my friend for ten years. She was my coworker with whom I carpooled with whom I had worked for 7 years prior to my wife leaving me. Despite allegations otherwise which incidentally I am very much accustomed too she and I had remained friends and nothing more until well after both our past relationships had ended. Now the only reason to try and morally equivocate on my relationship with my girlfriend as a divorced man was to defend his relationship as being comparable. I redirected his clever attempt to disarm my question and asked him if Spring Thomas was or was not his girlfriend and if he was or wasn’t dating her? At which point he argued that he wouldn’t call it dating or her his girlfriend.
What he did admit was that he was attracted to Spring and he was deeply in need of sexual satisfaction that he couldn’t take not having sex 4-5 times a week. He said this was why he needed the relationship with Spring but then he said he only ever holds hands with her. So his reasoning for needing the relationship was for sex but he isn’t having sex. Whatever that means. He then used all kinds of excuses to explain that if God didn’t mean for him to be with Spring that God wouldn’t let him be with Spring. He argued that he wanted to be accountable to Abram and I and wanted to ask our permission to see Spring but that they (Spring and Him) had talked and felt that it was best to keep their relationship a secret until after the one year anniversary because it wouldn’t look good otherwise.
So he intended to ask our permission but only after he had a secret relationship for ten and half months first. He explained that he couldn’t go on living without her. That in the first few weeks after mother disappeared that he was drawn to Spring that he was having feelings for her, but he wanted to distract himself from her so he had tried to pursue a relationship with another woman from his church instead. Kim had survived cancer and also been a good friend of my mother, and she worked for a counselor that he had begun to see. He asked the counselor if it was appropriate to talk to her about his desire to pursue a relationship with her and the counselor said lets pray about it after the young woman heard about Kerry’s interest in her she was deeply offended she felt it was completely inappropriate and spoke in confidence about it with investigators. So Kerry related that he had been drawn back to Spring since Kim had turned him down.
Kerry was having long telephone conversations with Spring and she invited him to come to Christmas at her house. Kerry related that on the first Christmas after my mother’s disappearance he spent all day with Spring. While that may not have particular significance too you my parents were married just before Christmas and it was an anniversary they always celebrated together. My mother had a carefully built a Christmas Eve tradition. Our family has dinner together steak, twice baked potatoes, salad, and dirt cake after which we attend Candlelight service together. On the first major holiday without mom Kerry insisted that we not have our traditional dinner, but we wanted too so to satisfy him we changed what we would eat.
He told us, “I don’t even want to see you or your kids, or have any of you down here for Christmas” but then that Christmas Eve the day before he spent all day with Spring, he showed up for our mothers traditional dinner late and while we were eating said, “I don’t want anybody to make a big deal out of it but I got a special gift for a special lady” and he explained how he had carefully purchased a gift for Spring. Later that evening he handed out gift cards to his grand kids, who later reflected about his comments about Spring and how he bought her something special asking why did he buy her something special and not us.
While he told us during that discussion that he was so lonely that without Spring he would have committed suicide, we tried to grasp why had he refused to come to our family gatherings or participate in our mothers traditions and when he did come was he completely focused on Spring. He told us that on Christmas Day while all of us are mourning and trying to hold together our mothers memory and celebrate Christmas with our family that he chose to spend his holiday cementing his relationship with his new girlfriend. After that Christmas he spent almost every day with Spring, until the legislative session began at least that’s what he told us.
Now for the dozen years that Abram has worked with dad in the ministry the majority of the time they have carpooled riding together to Jefferson City and back. But dad admitted to us that he lied specifically about needing to drive separately back and forth just so he could stop every time on his way up and back to spend time with Spring. As Abram has said he barely saw dad in Jefferson City that entire session, he would come and go, disappearing as he confessed to spend most his time on the phone or with Spring in secret.
Throughout the 2015 Legislative Session dad lied over and over again making excuses to hide his relationship with Spring from Abram. Throughout the evening my dad confessed to going out of his way to hide the relationship. He admitted to telling and asking the police to keep his confidence and keep their relationship a secret. He expressed a livid anger and hostility on how investigators had betrayed him by telling his children his secrets. There are several other acknowledgments that my father made that night to us, including how depressed my mother was and the fact that she had been receiving treatment for her depression for years but I will speak to those issues in another post.
The single most difficult element of this knowledge regarding his relationship with Spring has been to gauge in my heart my father’s posts on the FindLynnMesser page about how deeply and dearly he misses and loves my mother while knowing that the entire time his heart belongs to someone else and that he is deeply in love with Spring Thomas and not my Mother. If you understand that my dad told us that he spoke with detectives in September of 2014 about pursuing a relationship with Spring, but Spring had confirmed that she was in a relationship with my dad, and the only upfront and honest thing my dad has done was that the same day six weeks after mom disappeared he called detectives, “to be up front with them” and told them that he was in a relationship with Spring.
So every drawn out laborious woe is me I am miserable and alone post that my dad has made on the FindLynnMesser page is a lie. He has been happily pursuing his new girlfriend the entire time I don’t know how you could ever look at my dad’s post the same. I certainly can’t! For the past year and a half I haven’t been able to read a single word my dad writes about his broken heart and lonely estate so hurting and so lost when I know for a fact that he is completely absorbed in his new romance.
So you might ask how did you respond to your dad’s albeit hesitant and forced confession? Abram and I talked for hours with Kerry. We presented to him multi-tiered objections. To begin with it is important that you understand that we expressed every single one of our concerns to dad that day. We addressed anyone’s emotional knee jerk responses too our objections and I will outline them. We are not jealous. We do not see his new relationship as a replacement for our mother. We have absolutely no objection too our father remarrying in due time. We have no judgment on Spring’s moral character and our opposition has never been based on her being a bad match for our father.
Consider if you will the pain when you now know of the relationship and how it had existed months prior, reflect with us how in the late summer of 2014, Abram at Spring’s farm overheard Kerry “joking” with Spring say “I just got rid of one woman, I’m not in a hurry to get another one”. Consider with us how those comments hurt when you now know our father was privately doing exactly that. Remember we were having this conversation with him in the Spring of 2015, our mother has been a missing person for 10 – 11 months. Our father has just admitted to pursuing a new relationship after less than 2 months of our mother being missing. Our concerns is not that it would be awkward to be dating after your spouse dies in two months but that when you do not know if your wife is alive or not, you do not know anything about where she is you aren’t immediately at ease to pursue another woman.
Our objection though isn’t that he shouldn’t or we don’t think you should our objection is this if you do you are tarnishing your personal reputation, you will damage your own reputation and by extension the ministry you built in Missouri Family Network, a corollary is not only that MFN will lose its reputation but that MFN not only provides his salary but provides all of Abram and his family’s income. Abram’s home which Daryl our grandfather had given too Abram was still in Kerry’s name. Not only could this damage Abram’s family’s income but if it focuses suspicions on Kerry and prevents investigators from pursuing legitimate leads or if he is prosecuted and they somehow prove he is complicit in mothers disappearance Abram might not just lose his income, his ministry, but his home and the result of this relationship could be putting Abram destitute and leaving his family on the street.
Our concern was that this would distract from the actual investigation, harm the ministry and possibly the entire family. We also brought to him that this action would alienate him from all my mother’s family and relatives. We expressed our concerns that he might not be prepared for the consequence of choosing Spring over his entire family. We asked him what this relationship would mean if Mom shows up? What would he do how would his heart handle the conflict? I asked him if it was wise to be in any relationship at all considering that a missing person cannot be declared dead until after they have been missing for 5 years? Was his intention to date Spring desperate for sex but holding out because they couldn’t get married till mother was declared dead in another 4 years? And he replied well we might find her any moment.
For hours we were baffled as he confessed to pursuing this relationship in secret, lying over and over again about it telling us he intended to continue lying about it for months more. He expressed how angry he was that police had betrayed his confidence and told me. This was compounded as we discussed how he had hidden and lied about the note as well. On the practical side I expressed concerns that Spring was an only child, who had never experienced raising children, having a marriage before, or siblings was she going to be the best choice as a future mate for him considering the need to be a surrogate grandmother, mother etc… was she fully prepared was it fair to her for him to pursue this relationship to gratify his own desires without considering how much pain the suspicion and the calling to be a replacement for my mother might be? To be blunt Spring appeared to me to be so very much like him alone losing all her family mightn’t they simply be sharing in their aloneness instead of grieving the loss of his wife?
How could he have mourned his wife and moved on to a new relationship in 6 weeks when we didn’t even know if she was dead? I was terrified that he had not sought counsel or processed any of his grief and pain appropriately and that this relationship may just be an escape from facing the reality of his pain. After hours upon hours of expressing and discussing our objections, and concerns Abram and I explicitly presented a path forward.
We urged him to step down immediately from MFN to allow someone else to run the organization until all the questions surrounding the investigation could be settled and to let Abram step forward, and function as the face of MFN in Jefferson City. We outlined that an agreement needed to be reached to transfer title of Abram’s house into his own name and I suggested that a family trust be created to protect the rest of the farm from any possible legal attacks resulting from the possible prosecution in mothers disappearance knowing that keeping the farm in the hands of her grandchildren was my mother’s desire. Kerry agreed with all those proposals.
Kerry suggested that he wanted to have Abram and I as his accountability partners for his relationship with Spring he promised to be completely honest and forthright to tell us when he is going to see her every time he sees her. We both couldn’t imagine that responsibility and the very last conversation of the evening after our objections after our exhaustion of trying to reason with him against his relationship over and over again, Kerry commented, “well I was going to go see Spring tomorrow, we should talk about this if that’s ok with you?” Abram couldn’t respond, how dare he really after all our objections he just asks us permission after we just said no, no, no we do not want you to pursue this relationship he says is it ok? I gave him the only response I could muster. I am not the one you answer too, you do what you want but don’t ask me for permission, don’t ask me if it’s ok. I mean come on really if you can’t listen to me saying this is wrong for 9 hours what good would me saying no don’t go see her tomorrow do?
Well that weekend dad brought a group of people together after church and started talking about how he has developed feelings for Spring and told people that I am ok with him dating her. So apparently he couldn’t listen to my 9 hours of objections but he heard the 10 seconds of it’s not my place to give you permission. So of course Abram and I started receiving endless phone calls and messages as word spread from people very, very upset about Kerry’s behavior and his girlfriend. And those calls have never ended. So what does Spring Thomas have to do with my mother’s disappearance and death? I don’t know. But my dad’s behavior is disgusting and if you want to know why no one and I mean no one in his family respects him. It has to do with his lies, his deceptions his betrayal of us as he has gone out of his way to blame police for trying to frame him. He has accused us of trying to take the farm, of trying to ruin the ministry.
When your dad says I lied to you for the past year because I wanted to protect you from the truth so it’s ok that I lied and refuses to ever admit that he did wrong it’s hard to be on his side. Like I said Spring Thomas might have nothing to do with what happened to my mom, but her relationship with my dad and his lies about it have everything to do with why Lynn’s family wants nothing to do with him, including her sons. Remember our objections focused on how keeping this relationship a secret lying for months and planning to continue to lie makes you look guilty. Our overarching concerns all stem from the fact that my dad’s behavior if continued makes him look bad, it makes it seem like he must be hiding other things. The discussions about how his behavior implies guilt and taints his reputation really compound when you consider the things he has hidden about the note and mother’s depression which I will expound on later.
There is so much more that Kerry has done to make up stories about Abram and to try and discredit him and his bold opposition to my dad. Let me give you a list. Kerry has lied about, Lynn’s history of depression, suicidal thoughts, and treatment. He has lied about the cats that she killed when she wanted to hurt herself. He has lied about the note that was written to Abram, he has lied to Abram about the note over and over and over again, he lied to investigators about the note. He has lied to Aarron about Spring even when being confronted he lied too my face, he has lied to the media about the police, he has lied to everyone about Spring, he has lied about Aarron being ok with him dating.
He has lied about Abram’s character, he has made promises to resign from MFN and refused, he told Abram that he was going to turn MFN over to a third party and then refused instead claiming that Abram was trying to convince him to commit suicide. He fired Abram and told him he had to pay rent on the very house he promised to relinquish title too that belongs to Abram, forcing Abram and his family out of that home. Incidentally he only did so after Abram voiced his objections to dad’s behavior publicly.
He has lied about Spring cooperating with police, he failed his lie detector tests, he lied when he said he is cooperating with investigators, he has refused to speak to detectives. He has lied about Abram’s child hood, he has made wild accusations about Abram, he has lied about the argument between Abram and Lynn.
He accuses everyone else of mud-slinging simply for calling him on his lies, his own church asked him to step down as a Sunday school teacher and deacon because of his secret relationship, we have been told that the ministry no longer represents the Missouri Baptists Convention, or the Christian Life Commission but why should that matter he has said that his fundraising since mother disappeared has been better than ever. He lies to each and every one of you every time he posts on Facebook about how much he misses his bride because he is with his new one every day.
My father lied in his last media interview when he says his relationship is on hold because I watched them cooking dinner and kissing each other in his kitchen two weeks before I found mom. Then yesterday the two of them spent all day working cattle together. He lies about how hard it is to do work on the farm without any help because he has had his girlfriend helping him to bale hay and she has been working on the farm this whole summer.
He lies when she’s with him when he has her park her car in secret and drives her around scurrying her in and out of the house from his car. I watched her drive past the farm turn around in a driveway and drive back the other way like she didn’t want me to see her coming to his house the week before I found mom, just to watch her pull into the barnyard 20 minutes later when she thought I was gone. He sees me driving down the driveway and she is in his car so he drives off into the field as if I am not supposed to notice her sitting next to him. All those wonderful pictures of Lynn he took when they were dating well he’s taking pictures of Spring just the way he used too with mom and he is actively continuing their relationship all while pretending to be such a woeful hurting abandoned husband.
Now I have been opposed to their relationship not because he isn’t entitled to move on with his life but plainly because he refuses to come clean about it. He hasn’t developed feelings that have caused people to think he had an affair, he has hidden his relationship with his girlfriend and treated that relationship like it was a secret affair lying and covering it up, that makes everyone wonder what else are you hiding Kerry and why? But if you are a church member of his church reading this you deserve to know. Abram and I have spoken with numerous pastors, deacons, and men from my dad’s life that have gone to him privately and voiced their objections and concerns over his relationship in every conversation seeking Biblical council, prayer begging that dad see the damage his sin has caused and continues to produce. My father has chosen his secret girlfriend against the advice of dozens of counselors. Abram sought to hold him accountable in his church, but the pastor of First Baptist Church Festus Crystal City has practically ignored his behavior.
Abram sought to follow the Biblical outline for dealing with someone in sin, already having addressed this issue in person and in private. We have reached out to him with deacons and church members bringing witnesses to address Kerry in a Biblical manner. Finally he sought discipline to hold dad accountable before the church body or just the deacons even but to no avail, the pastor responded to his requests by saying “that’s not going to happen”. The week after finding mothers body I spoke with my father’s pastor and he told me that no one in the church had a problem with me or Abram. This is unbelievable to me my dad has split his church in two we have heard from members leaving and the divided body refusing to speak to each other the few that think Kerry can do no wrong refuse to listen to the truth and the ones who tell the truth are outcasts minimized and castigated as gossips and accusers for speaking the truth.
There comes a time when you are so disgusted you just can’t go on ignoring behavior. That time has come I am tired of hearing my dad malign and demean my brother for following the Biblical standard of accountability. I have waited because I knew that if I voiced my concerns they might be misconstrued. I understood before that the detectives needed to put pressure on dad, believing that he was lying about his knowledge of where mom was. But now we have her and they have evidence to process that we eagerly wait for so the pressure we put on dad now won’t find mom and it isn’t and shouldn’t be misconstrued as police desperate for any lead at all.
I do not blame my father for my mother’s death. I am not accusing him of anything related to her disappearance. No, regardless of what the police decide about his involvement or if he is ever charged with anything at all my father has destroyed his own reputation by the manner in which he has conducted himself. I will not sit idle by while he attacks my brother for speaking the truth. When you see the calls for him to come clean we do not simply mean to imply he did something to mom, but just stop lying for any reason at all dad. Lying to protect us from the pain of the truth is wrong there is no justification that makes it right.
The time to repent is now. So yes we have gone to the media because my dad’s church won’t hold him accountable. Yes, it is possible my dad didn’t just lie about his girlfriend, the note, my mother’s mental health, Abram’s childhood, about being accountable to me and Abram, transferring the home that was given to Abram into his name, or all the other things we discussed like cooperating with the police, maybe he has lied about something else? How would we know? He lies about everything it seems how would we know if he isn’t lying about knowing where mom was all this time? I don’t know. Not a theory, not a speculation just a fact how would we know. He can’t be honest about anything else apparently…
Carolyn Green Deevers Writer, wife, imperfect home schooling mom to 3 amazing humans. Writing about lessons learned from surviving 100% of my worst days. Educating the church about domestic violence & abuse in their midst. Advocating for abused women living in, or leaving destructive marriages. Living an A.I.P. lifestyle. St. Louis Cardinals fanatic. Dog lover, Football fan.