Today I want to show you, with video, what someone with Narcissistic personality disorder may look like. While watching this short video, replace the character of Facebook cofounder, Mark Zuckerberg, with a dynamic speaker who has a witty sense of humor and is a leader in the Christian community.
Consider a person who intertwines scripture as a means for emotional control and twists verses to support his male dominance over his girlfriend/wife. A specialist who tries to tell his love interest who she is and is not with no regard to reality.
“The husband who uses the title of headship as a cover for control, dominance, or even abuse is not only not a head in the way the Bible sets forth but is instead a moral and spiritual failure. Let me make this clear: When it comes to a man’s leadership in his home, male domination is never a teaching of the Bible. But headship is.” -Robert Lewis
“Your wife is your precious one, your only one … She’s to be cherished, not because of what she does for you, but because of her essence, her value to God as a child born in His image. You’ve been entrusted with the priceless essence of a human soul, so precious to God that at the foundation of the world He planned to pay His dearest price to buy her back again.” –Steve Arterburn
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” Colossians 3:19
Now add in a spiritual leader who is hired for being a biblically vibrant motivational speaker, who is entertaining and exciting as well. Only to later find the person is aggressive and manipulative in the process of gaining control over the congregation and dominance over the church leadership teams. When confronted about their behavior they insist that their underlying brilliance be seen, acknowledged and praised; not criticized.
When truth is revealed against the backdrop of their deception, sin, or crime they play the “I am special” card and, “This isn’t the way it appears” line. In classic narcissistic fashion they hold up a mirror and reflect the accusation being made against them back at the plaintiff. You will NEVER win an argument with a narcissist or point out their error since they are perfect and do no wrong. Remember the rules and laws do not apply to them: For more on this topic see previous Toxic Tuesday posts about Narcissism.
“Jesus…is the Lion of Judah (Rev. 5:5) and the Lamb of God (Rev. 5:6) – He was lionhearted and lamblike, strong and meek, tough and tender, aggressive and responsive, bold and brokenhearted. He sets the pattern for manhood.” -John Piper
Narcissists like to explain why your accomplishments are of little importance and possibly not true accomplishments. They do not know how to encourage others and be genuinely happy for other’s successes. The only time you are praise worthy is when they can use your achievement to make themselves look better to someone else; or make it seem like your triumph was due to their input in your life.
You will not gain a narcissist’s understanding. You will be ignored, dismissed and belittled while the narcissist manipulates behind the scenes with no remorse or twinge of conscience toward the path of destruction they leave behind.
Narcissists are entitled to treat people however they feel with no regard to the other person’s feeling, needs or input. They make executive decisions for everyone involved without allowing feedback, questions or creative involvement. They are a god unto themselves.
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If you are involved in a relationship with someone showing narcissistic tendencies, do not allow their viewpoint to dictate who you are or to force you into a pit of depression.
Be a tattle tale and tell God what is happening to you. Allow God to deal with the other person in His way and in His timing. Then take responsibility for your ideas, thoughts, decisions, actions and responses by asking God what His heart and will is for your life.
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To be clinically diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder a person must exhibit five of nine criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. See: https://spiritualbattlesandabuse.wordpress.com/2013/12/10/to-live-but-not-exist/
Imagine being in a relationship with someone who meets all nine of the criteria. Now imagine the narcissism is the easiest part of the toxic relationship because underneath this surface lurks a tormented dark soul disguised as light.
One does not have to imagine long on this concept of darkness disguised as light since Satan has masqueraded in a cloak of light through the centuries.
Satan is not creative; just a good copycat who counterfeits everything he sees the Heavenly Father do. Satan produces many fake replicas; evil beautifully gift-wrapped with a forged logo or brand name. As with counterfeit consumer products, Satan’s imitations are of a lower quality, sometimes not working at all, and often have toxic elements; producing toxic people—resultsing in a lesser quality of life for God’s beloved children. Satan’s bogus plans, interjected into the lives of humans, has resulted in physical and spiritual deaths. Fatal poison has been packaged as the healing balm of Christ.
Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 1 John 4:1
Scripture cannot necessarily help you discern a narcissist, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, because they are some of the best actors you will ever see. Dealing with this personality disorder is outside the box for Christians and even for many psychologists. It takes a long-term relationship to identify if a person suffers from Narcissistic personality disorder; meeting the criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
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The complexity of a narcissist makes them interesting to study, infuriating to live with, and the subject of psychological and spiritual scrutiny.
Allow me to introduce you to Mr. Fatal Self-Love: