A Grand Deception: The Successful Response of Sex Offenders

Liar liar pants on fire

Religion News Service

By Boz Tchividjian

“I’m ready to be put this all behind me and to continue reaching for my dreams of filmmaking and in music.”

Those were the recent words of Brandon Milburn, a former youth minister, as he pleaded with a judge for a lenient sentence after being convicted of seven counts of child sexual abuse involving two eleven year old boys.   His pleas were echoed by supporters who came to court to proclaim his innocence. One even remarked, “I do not believe he is a predator. I love Brandon; my children love Brandon. If Brandon was released today, he would be welcome to come and live in my home.”

Ultimately, the judge decided that Brandon Milburn should spend the next 25 years reaching for his dreams inside the walls of a prison.

Sexual offenders have perfected a grand deception that sadly seems to work all too well inside faith communities. This deception twists truth, minimizes abuse, and exploits guilt in order to create a fictional narrative that paints the offender as the victim and those who accuse and confront as perpetrators of injustice. Unfortunately, too many fail to realize that this deceptive narrative is fiction.

Finish reading 4 steps offenders use as narrative when caught: A Grand Deception: The Successful Response of Sex Offenders

Toxic Tuesday: Narcissistic Fact and Fiction

A Narcissist uses lies and deceit to recruit others for the purpose of advancing themselves. It is not something they do; it is who they are.

Think of it this way; we know God is love, God is merciful, God is just, and God is kind. The list of God’s attributes goes on and on. Attributes are not what God does. Attributes are who God is.

Narcissists are selfish deceitful recruiters. It is not just what they do; it is who they are—at the core.

God is capable of saving, healing and changing anyone’s heart, but the catch remains, they have to want saved, healed and changed. Narcissistic personalities are special and do no wrong. They have no sin because the morals and laws that govern others do not apply to them; therefore, they do not need saved, healed or changed. They do not seek what they do not need. They need no forgiveness because they do no wrong.

Even when caught in the act they insist, “But wait, that’s not who I am. I (the real me) would never do that! I know how it appears but I can assure you it is not the truth.”

The longer narcissists believe their own lies, the more toxic their brain chemistry becomes.

The closer Christians emulate Jesus, the more loving they become.

True Christianity is driven by loving God and loving others.  True Narcissistic Personality Disorder is driven by malignant self-love.

230px-Narcissus-Caravaggio_(1594-96)_edited

Narcissus by Caravaggio. Gazing at his own reflection.

Narcissistic Fiction in the Christian Community                         Narcissistic Fact

  • Joyful Christ likeness                                                                     Superficial charm
  • Confident dynamic charisma                                                   Grandiose sense of self-worth,
  • Trustworthy and honest                                                              Pathological lying
  • I have your best interest at heart.                                           Cunning/manipulative
  • Believable compassion, beautifully written words.      Lack of remorse or guilt
  • Personable, witty & up front personality                            Callous/lack of empathy
  • Moral and just                                                                                     Failure to accept responsibility                                                                                                                           for own actions
  • Dynamic engaging speaker                                                          Copies well-known speakers
  • Humble                                                                              Lies, exaggerates achievements & talents

It is nearly impossible for a heart and mind to accept the truth of a friend or loved one’s depravity. The magnitude of the sin will catch no one off guard more than the person who loves the narcissist the most.

You may find more information on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, setting boundaries and dealing with toxic people under my Toxic Tuesday posts. You will also find scriptures to pray over these topics.

Side note: The top three professions for individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are actors/entertainers, psychologists and pastors (in no particular order). There is also a huge number with N.P.D. in politics. A quick study of world history and dictatorships will produce a list of Who’s Who with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.