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Happy Hour: My natural + His super

HAPPY HOUR: Fridays AT 5:00 P.M.—Kick back after a hard week’s work and enjoy the intoxicating goodness of true love and wisdom without putting a dent in your wallet.    It’s like free fast food for your soul. ~Enjoy!

I  went through a season of personal transition that rocked my world and took years of prayer for breakthrough from a lie that wielded its power over me. God knew I had spent years praying about the problem and studying what His word had to say about it, but I still didn’t know what to do to get rid of the feeling. You see, I felt like a disappointment to God even though I knew He loved me and adored me.

There are certain people in our lives who naturally carry the power to touch our souls and when they damage our inner being it takes supernatural power to recover. So, God was sweet to take my natural and add His super to supernaturally heal my inner most being. 

I’m currently going through an in-depth Bible study on the book of Esther, and over the weekend I was reminded of my posture in being a woman like Esther who enlisted the help of others for overcoming obstacles that led to breakthrough, answers, freedom…life. Once I let my request be known to others who were willing to pray for me; the lie began to be dismantled within minutes and I was completely and permanently free of it within hours.

I wasn’t shocked; nope, but I was excited! I love when God works in my life to show me He’s like no other. I adore Jesus for showing up and showing off with overwhelming, lavish love, tenderness, and complete healing. I’m grateful that the Holy Spirit comforted me through the process. It’s just like Him!

I knew the ‘problem’ was a lie. I knew the truth in my heart and mind, but couldn’t shake the ‘feeling’. Now that I’m on the other side and have freedom over it I can testify, as I can over other life problems, traumas, divorce, death, severed relationships, difficult neighbors, auto-immune diseases …that God uses these places of transition to strengthen my heart, soul, mind and strength in who I truly trust in and what I really believe. Here’s more beauty in the process: in the middle of agonizing brokenness is where God allows us to experience some of our greatest nearness to Him.

My problem reminded me of what the Israelites were to specifically do in the midst of not knowing what to do.

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.  The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:13-14 (NIV). The word deliverance in this verse is translated as victory.

Even though God is never specifically mentioned in the book of Esther His heart and deliverance are beautifully etched in the fabric of the story.

And then there’s these scriptures:

“After having done all; stand.” Ephesians 6:13(NIV).

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” Ephesians 6:18 (NIV)

Now I can get back in the place of rest. Ahh…rest. It feels good!

Lies vs truth

 

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5 (NIV)

When our wounds are exposed to His wounds; our wounds are healed!

How about you? Do you need a breakthrough in some area of your life? Do you need messy wounds washed clean and the devil’s dirty lies wounded; evaporated? Perhaps like me, you need to enlist people to pray for you

“Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” Matthew 18:18 (NIV).

 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18: 19-20 (NIV).

 Cheers! To truth…and to healing!

 

Lyrics:

Some days you’re tired of trying to measure up
You see a girl whose not enough
When you look in the mirror
Some nights all you wanna do is hide
‘Cause every time you look inside
You’re face to face with failure
But you are loved, oh
Not because of what you’ve done, no
Even when your heart has run the other way
Nothing’s gonna change His love
And you are wanted
Not because you are perfect
I know that you don’t think you’re worth that kind of grace
But look into His face you’ll know
That you are loved…Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
You’ve searched for something that will stir your soul
That’ll make you feel less alone
But nothing ever saves you
Well He knew before you ever took a breath
There’d be days when you’d forget
How beautiful He made you
But you are loved, oh
Not because of what you’ve done, no
Even when your heart has run the other way
Nothing’s gonna change His love
And you are wanted
Not because you are perfect
I know that you don’t think you’re worth that kind of grace
But look into His face you’ll know…That Jesus
He chose you, He sees you
He knows you, o-o-oh oh
You are covered, forever, beloved, a daughterAnd you are loved
Not because of what you’ve done
Even when your heart has run the other way
Nothing’s gonna change His love
And you are wanted
Not because you are perfect
I know that you don’t think you’re worth that kind of grace
But look into His face you’ll know
That you are lovedLook into His face, you’ll see it there
Look into His face, you’ll know, oh-oh-oh
That you are loved, oh-oh-oh
That you are loved, oh-oh-oh
Look into His face, you’ll see it there
You are loved…

 

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Change statute of limitations for sex crimes against children/use prior assault evidence

TOXIC POLICY

This is in response to the Olympic gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar, who was convicted in court last month for molesting patients for years. 

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Thank you to the victims of these terrible crimes for using your trauma and pain for a great purpose that will serve future abuse victims.

Thank you, Rachael Denhollander, for using your talent to pursue justice. Sometimes it takes a wronged female attorney to change public policy and maintain a voice with which to be reckoned. I applaud you, thank you, and pray for you. By the way: your husband totally rocks for the powerful way he has publicly supported you and cheered you on through all of this. (I follow him on Twitter).

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos orders investigation of MSU’s handling of Nassar sex-abuse cases

 

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is dispatching a team of civil rights investigators to Michigan State University to examine how the school handled allegations against former gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar, who was convicted of molesting patients for years.

“This new Title IX investigation will look at systemic issues in the University’s handling of sex-based incidents involving Dr. Larry Nassar,” DeVos said in a statement Monday.

Image: Betsy DeVos
Betsy DeVos, United States Secretary of Education, speak at CPAC on Feb. 22, 2018. Michael Brochstein / LightRocket via Getty Images

The federal probe is only the latest for MSU, which is under investigation by the Michigan Attorney General’s Office and a congressional committee. It also faces dozens of lawsuits that allege it ignored reports and warning signs about Nassar’s predation going back to 1997.

DeVos’ announcement came hours before some of Nassar’s victims gathered in Lansing, Michigan, for a news conference on new state legislation prompted by the case. The bills would change the statute of limitations for sexual crimes against children, expand the class of people who must report claims of sexual abuse to law enforcement, and allow prosecutors to use evidence of prior assaults at trial.

“We are learning activism creates action,” said Olympic gold medalist Jordyn Wieber, who revealed last month that Nassar preyed upon her.

 

Continue reading the entire article here:  Education Secretary Betsy DeVos orders investigation of MSU’s handling of Nassar sex-abuse cases

 

Rachael Denhollander top of page: photo credit; Twitter public profile picture

 

 

 

 

 

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20 Signs You Were Raised by a Narcissist

Do you have dysfunctional family dynamics or know someone who does? If you were raised by a parent with narcissistic personality disorder you will relate to these statements. Many of the sayings apply to being raised by someone with any type of personality disorder, but all of the below testimonials will validate children, young or grown, of a parent, or parents, with narcissistic personality disorder.

NPD 000NPD 67

Narcissist:

Someone so toxic they are willing to jeopardize

anybody’s reputation or future, including their own children,

to help themself get out of a sticky situation, conversation, sin, or

crime.  In their personality disordered mind it’s no big deal.

NPD 64NPD 62Toxic40NPD 58NPD 56NPD 44NPD 37NPD 27NPD 21NPD 16NPD 6toxic people boundariesToxic48Toxic47

narc parent 2narc parent 4

Narc parent

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Lynn Messer: Note, what note?

 Above photo credit: Photo Credit: J.B. Forbes, jforbes@post-dispatch.com

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This letter is reprinted with permission.

Aarron and Abram Messer have been cowriting public letters and posting them under notes on Aarron Messer’s Facebook page.

Aarron and Abram Messer, Wednesday, November 30, 2016

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Week before last during an interview my father seemingly opened his wallet and showed the world a note that my mother allegedly left when she disappeared on July 8th 2014. That’s it right up there. Of course that’s not all of it. As Kerry said in that interview he couldn’t share the other half because it wasn’t addressed to him. My daughter commented to me the other day almost nonchalantly “grandma didn’t write that.” “What do you mean?” I asked and she said what I have thought and wouldn’t couldn’t say out loud, “grandma didn’t call grandpa, “Pa” she called him “Pop.” Grandpa would get so frustrated and correct her because he wanted to be called Pa, but she called him Pop”. It’s true and it’s just one of many questions and problems with the truth about this note that my dad has now shared.
See on that morning, one I never wanted to experience, I can remember as clear as day hearing about the note from my dad, I was the first person to hear about it. The very first words that were told to me about it led me to assume it was a suicide note. But that is not the case. At 6:30 AM I pulled down the driveway and parked out by the barn. My daughter Emily had a show steer that she needed to work with and mom had left me a message the night before about being sure I was there before 7AM when the summer day would start to heat up.
I had been working at a firework stand in Concordia Missouri several hundred miles away for the past few weeks. The kids had been with their mother in Nebraska and in-between when the kids weren’t with me Kris my Ex refused to bring the kids to work with the show steers like they needed too. The drama between my Ex and my parents is a footnote though. The long and the short is simple Kris would not step foot on the farm so during her summer custody times my mother had been working with Emily’s steer.
Just the week before that steer had stepped on her foot breaking her toe. But that morning while my grumbling teenage daughter stubborn and bitterly began to work with her steer. I listened as the sound of a 4wheeler somewhere on the farm came closer. I saw my dad driving down the hill that’s where my mothers scent trail that the search dogs followed from the house ended, and the path to the back field where we eventually found mom. He came down the driveway and into the barnyard. Emily and her steer were just crossing the barnyard and I was preparing to close the gate to the show ring in the middle of the barnyard when he began to speak.
My dad asked, “What’s your plan today?” I told him we were working with the steer, that I needed to be in Fenton to do a little side work, and that mother was going to watch the kids that morning till I got back. My dad’s next words, I will never forget. “Well, I can’t find your mother, and she left a note that has me concerned.” He explained that he had been looking for her since early that morning when he woke up alone, and then he said, “why don’t you just take the kids and head on home today?” Now I was in total shock and my mind was racing a million different ways.
I asked him if he had checked my house? We had spent the night at my girlfriends 20 miles away and hadn’t been home so my house a mile away just off the farm would be a quiet place to get away too and no one would have noticed her being there. He told me no, and as I stood dumbfounded and confused in the middle of the barnyard he parked the 4 wheeler, jumped in his truck and drove off the farm. Kerry as we found later lied to the investigators multiple times denying he had left the farm that morning. He only admitted to having left the farm after he failed a polygraph in May of 2015, this was the second polygraph he failed. All just before investigators informed us of his new relationship.
I want you to understand and it’s important that you grasp this, in the same breath as learning my mother was missing my dad told me the note existed and that the note was something that clearly had my dad convinced that my mother may have harmed herself. That’s right the very first words about mom being missing and the note that my dad spoke to anyone was that the note caused him to be concerned that she might hurt herself. He said this with a tone that implied mom might have just killed herself. In fact the very first phone call I made to anyone a few minutes later was a weeping overwhelmed conversation with my girlfriend telling her that my mom is missing and that my dad is afraid she might have killed herself.
I want you to contrast this with the intentional words that my father has spoken telling us and insisting that this was not a suicide note, and making the case that my mother was off her rocker because of medication and had maybe wondered off confused in the middle of the night. I panicked but me panicking is a somewhat reasoned response, I searched the farm around me immediately. Now I had no reason to think my dad was hiding my mother’s body, but I will be frank I didn’t know what to do. So, I searched the trunk of their car, their basement, the attics, I searched the outbuildings, the apartment, the loft, I opened the grain barrels in the barn, I ran frantically searching any place a person could be hidden right there in the barnyard.
My daughter had practiced with her steer and she was done, so I sent her to put him back in the backyard. I put my kids in the car and drove home. My overwhelming dread was compounded, my dad had driven off he hadn’t answered any questions he was gone, my mom was missing I hadn’t been home for 2 weeks and the front door to my house was wide open when I pulled up. I had the kids wait in the car and I searched my own home, every room, the garage, the basement, the attic. No signs of anyone. It hit me maybe dad had left the door open moments earlier? I tried to call dad, no answer, I called 911. If my dad has been searching for my mom since 4AM and he hasn’t seen anything we need help.
I like many people had no idea what they could do? After all don’t the police make you wait 24hours before you can file a missing person’s report? Dispatch said they would have an officer call me. I have no home phone and I often lose signal in my home, so I gave them my parent’s phone number. Almost as soon as I hung up I realized dad isn’t home! I called Abram. I asked him did dad call the police yet, “I don’t know… “Well did he tell you about the note? ” just now, he called me and told me to go move the cows… he was up here at 4:15 this morning and he didn’t tell me anything about a note, earlier! … “Well when I was working with Emily and her steer this morning dad said mom is missing and he found some note she left that has him concerned.””
As we talked it became clear Abram woke up at about 4:15AM, as Kerry was trying to open his front door. Kerry asked how the 4wheeler ended up at his house, Abram explained he had driven it home the afternoon before. After asking about the 4 wheeler Kerry turned and walked away pausing momentarily at the end of the house to casually say “well I don’t know where your mother is, and I don’t know what’s going on”. But that was the whole conversation. Kerry never spoke a single word at 4AM about the note, its content or why he was worried about finding mom. Abram went back to bed unaware that there was any crises.
Elizabeth and Abram have reflected their conversation was along the lines of what did he want? He can’t find mom… What? Since mom and dad had been having septic tank problems, they had been using the bathroom over in the apartment across the driveway. She’s probably in the bathroom over at the apartment. Abram reflected, anecdotally commenting to Elizabeth about a time when we where young, how mom had gotten up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and found herself turned around in the dining room, and was lost in the dark walking around in circles around the dining room table… They had no idea dad was worried that mom had disappeared or that she had left a note implying she was going to hurt herself the way dad told me.
Moments before I called Abram, Kerry had called him and told him, “move the cows into the bottom field.” When Abram pressed him trying to find out what was going on, Kerry told him “I don’t need you to do anything. Just move the cows and go back home.” As Abram tried to question him but Kerry again responded by telling him “just move the cows and go back home… don’t come down.” While Elizabeth couldn’t go back to sleep after the whole house of dogs had been awakened at 4AM she sat on their porch. She watched around 6am as Kerry drove the 4 wheeler up and checked on the waterer for the cows. Casually, he drove around examining different cows. He looked over at her from the 4 wheeler and shrugged his shoulders with arms outstretched as if to be like ‘well I don’t know?’
Sitting on the porch Elizabeth never heard him drive all over the farm searching for our mother as he claimed later to have done. Frankly after waking them up and driving off he never expressed concern to them again until he heard that I had called police already. So Abram related how the morning had gone and he asked if I had been able to reach dad on his cell phone? Abram had tried to call him as had I, calling his cell and his house phone multiple times. Since neither of us could reach him and the only thing dad had said to Abram was to move the cows we really began to wonder what was going on.
I drove back to the farm, with the kids. I sent them to play on the rope swing in the backyard and I grabbed their cordless phone. I frantically reviewed the last few numbers dialed on my mom’s cell phone and house phone considering maybe she had, called her sister, or a friend and had gone with them somewhere. I contemplated calling her sister to ask, but was too afraid of upsetting her and causing a panic. The last few numbers showed no unusually calls or conversation with her sister or friends. The phone rang it was a deputy; he asked a few questions and told me he was on his way out.
Thankful I hung up waiting for them to arrive. Within seconds my dad returned to the barnyard with the truck he had left in. He looked at me rather perturbed like why are you still here? I asked him, have you called the police? He said “no”. But before he could talk further I said, “well I have already, they’re on their way.” But before another sound came out of my mouth in an agitated and angry bark my dad said, “I want you to leave.” My dad was so angry, if steam could have been pouring out his ears it would have been. I just turned and walked to the backyard.
My kids had known that grandma was missing they were with me they understood something was seriously wrong. So they were confused as I asked them to come on get in the car we’re going to go. While I herded my kids to the car, Abram pulled up to the house. He was eager to help find mom, knowing now that something was seriously amiss and coming down despite dads admonition to stay home. Kerry met him in the barnyard Abram asked “What’s going on?” Dad was still seething, “your brother’s already called the cops and they’re on their way, you need to just go home”. But Abram was pushing asking more questions trying to figure out what was going on, only to be met with yells of “GO HOME”. Finally since Kerry was getting so hostile, Abram who was at this point extremely shook up began to head back up the driveway.
As Abram drove up the driveway he met the Sheriff’s deputy coming down the driveway. The officer asked what was going on and Abram related as much of what he knew as possible. As I drove out of that barnyard with my kids I had no clue what any note said or where my mother was. But I watched as my dad walked out of the house towards the gate at the end of the yard to meet the deputy who was getting out of his car. I took hope knowing that whatever had happened at least the proper authorities were involved now.
In 2015 when I confronted my dad and as Abram, Kerry and I talked my dad revealed how in those minutes between getting rid of Abram and I he rushed in the house and made copies of this note. He took those copies cutting the note in two and throwing away half the note. So in the video interview earlier this month my dad lied as he claimed that he couldn’t show all the note because a portion was not written to him and was not his to share, the truth is on day one he threw away the portion of the note that was addressed to Abram. The reason he couldn’t share that portion of the note has nothing to do with to whom it was written but that he threw that part of the note away!
Now for the first 11 months the police refused to allow anyone to see the note. I understand investigators need to withhold information but this was not the case. As they had shared with me, they had refused to show us the note because Kerry asked them not too. In fact my dad has continually tried his best to keep Abram not just from knowing about the note but from ever seeing the portion written to him. So publicly dad says oh that part of the note isn’t written to me, privately he would like to pretend that portion of the note doesn’t exist and Abram should never see it even though it was written to him.
Months later investigators would find out from third parties that Kerry had made these copies of the note. That he had been showing people the note but not his kids. So when they found out that he had made these copies and was showing them to people, they were very concerned. On the first day they had asked him several time did you make any copies or taken any pictures of the note and he insisted, “no.” When they came to him and asked about him having the copies well why did lied about making them? So they asked him “why did you make copies?” and he responded by saying “because I knew this was going to be a long drawn out ordeal, and I didn’t know when I was going to get the note back.” So once again investigators scratched their heads wondering, How could he possibly know that this was going to be “a long drawn out ordeal” that’s certainly not what he told the public, or our family.
Over those months Abram and I both experienced incredible feelings of guilt and shame, as a direct result of his decision to hide the note from us. When you are doing everything possible to try and grasp why your mother would disappear, and you know that some devastating note that made your father think she killed herself is hidden from you and you are never allowed to see it, imagine the thoughts your mind goes through thinking why shouldn’t you see this note? Perhaps it says, it’s your fault Aarron, it’s your fault Abram, maybe that note goes on about how disappointed and how ashamed she is of your divorce, or that her grand-kids aren’t perfect enough, maybe we upset her so much with our lives, maybe she was so upset at us that she decided to kill herself and she said that in this note. Why did we have to go through every iteration of guilt and fear over what that note said? Because, Kerry decided we don’t deserve to read the last words our mother wrote.
Consider how our dad put his photocopied piece of the note on video for the public, but never showed his own family that note. Despite being asked and after knowing fully what the note said he would lie. He had copies of the note he was showing others but not us. During 2014 when Abram asked him about the note he responded by saying “the only thing we know from the note is that your mother is either dead, or will spend the rest of her life in a mental institution.” Now parents want to protect their kids, but consider that while Kerry is putting us through a living nightmare of shame and fear, the entire time he is carrying around a copy of a portion of that note, clinging too it in his wallet. So he takes peace and comfort reading it to himself while keeping us from knowing a single word of what it says.
For the entire time he refuses to tell us what the note says, when we repeatedly ask him what did it say. Abram asked him directly “was I mentioned in the note?” Kerry said “No”, over and over again, “it has nothing to do with you”, “it wasn’t written to you”, “it doesn’t have anything to do with you” and “THIS IS MY NOTE… IT BELONGS TO ME!!” All of which are absolute lies. The portion of the note that you have not seen that I have not seen is addressed directly too Abram it speaks directly to him and it has nothing to do with any kind of note finality as Kerry has said. It is a discussion of things that Lynn and Abram had argued over in the weeks prior to her disappearance.
In one of the more bizarre interactions when the investigators were asking Kerry about that portion of the note, he said, “I told her not to write that.” The officer asking him stopped and said “what did you tell her not to write?” And Kerry said, “Thank you for giving me the opportunity to correct myself, I did not just say I told her not to write that- that is not what I said”. Now he has never explained how or what he could have meant by that. Just he accidentally let slip that he watched her write the note, and that he criticized what she had written, and maybe just maybe that explains why he cut out that portion of the note and threw it away. Perhaps he knows that it doesn’t have anything to do with my mother disappearance. I don’t know any other possible way to explain this fact. Either he watched her write the note on the morning of July 8th or had he watched her write the note to Abram on the Thursday before when they had argued? Does that explain the forensic results?
Investigators have been evaluating and examining this note for years now. It has been evaluated by the foremost forensic handwriting specialists with the FBI. Looking for clues as to the mental state of the writer, considering their emotional state, hesitation in their writing, was it written under duress, who wrote it? All these things were examined, and in the end the best information shared has been that investigators cannot definitively say even if my mother wrote the note. I would love to be able to share the note with you but too this day I have never seen the original note or read the entire thing. Even this picture he submitted to the media is not remotely close to the same thing as the original note. What? That’s right look at the way the note looks crisp clean, do you believe it’s the same note he has carried for two and a half years in his wallet? My daughter said again to me what I didn’t want too, that’s not been in his pocket for years. If I carry a note in my pocket for a day it fades, the paper looks blue, that note was just put in his wallet.
Now that may not mean a thing but think about it. My dad orchestrates an interview yes he has shut out the media, NBC has been preparing a documentary on my missing mother for months and he has refused to speak with them. But he calls reporters and invites them over, sits on my bench in front of the apartment I rent from him and pretends to make an impulse decision to open his wallet and share the note my mother wrote him. He says he has been carrying the note… But he shows a fresh copy probably one he made that day it has one set of fold lines, that aren’t crisp or aged, the paper he pulls out and pretends to be emotionally unable to read on camera is clearly a brand new note he just put in his wallet.
My dad told Abram and I the same story in 2015 when we confronted him about his secret girlfriend and he admitted and told us how he had demanded that investigators keep the note from us. He threatened the detectives saying that if they showed us the note he would not cooperate with the investigation. When we confronted him Dad opened his wallet and pulled out a faded old paper that looked completely different than the one he just put on camera. He read it to us, explaining how it was written too him and it belonged to him and he was livid that the police would violate his demand to keep it from us.
So the picture above, the note he prepared ahead of time, which I feel has been enlarged and clearly was freshly folded and placed in his wallet for the purpose of pretending to pull it out and read it. It fails to demonstrate exactly what my mother wrote anyone. What I do know is the note that was given to investigators, is written in two different colors of inks. Investigators believe it was actually written at different times, clearly it was not one thought but two separate thoughts both written on the same page. Why would anyone sit down to write a note with one pen write two lines then switch to a sharpie write something completely different to someone else and then go back to the other ink pen and write another line which also doesn’t fit with anything else you had written?
The first half was written above and the rest was written directly too Abram. It discusses a biology text book from high school and refers to the chapter on human reproduction. Abram had brought several issues to my mom’s attention and had discussed how she had lost her temper with his kids. That she had developed a habit of ambushing his wife with complaints. She would let her concerns build until in an overwhelming moment of frustration she would unload on people. When mom argued that she had never ambushed anyone Abram shared how, in high school, the kitchen full of teenage girls participating in a home economics class mom was teaching that a discussion unfolded where the class of girls laughed at Abram for not knowing what a sanitary pad or tampon was for. Abram embarrassed and being humiliated by mother who stood outside the bathroom door in front of kitchen full of teenage girls, explained in specific detail female menstrual cycles.
Abram hid in the bathroom mortified that his mother would ambush him in such a harsh way. That example was one of the issues that Abram had just discussed with our mother and had been a major discussion regarding why Abram would be upset that mom lost her temper and snapped at his kids while they were working with their 4H steers. She had made repeated outlandish comments to her grand-kids about how if they didn’t work harder with the show steers that there would be no money.
Mom was always devastated and terrified that the family was broke. She was not allowed to know the details of her financial affairs because my dad insisted on keeping that hidden from her. She was not allowed to know what the balance of the checkbook was. She was incredibly upset that if the steers did not show well at the fair that coming weekend that they wouldn’t sell for a good price and they would lose thousands of dollars already spent in feed on the steers. In fact she repeatedly called her sister imploring and begging her to buy one of the steers at the fair almost terrified in her pleas that if they didn’t buy one of the steers maybe there wouldn’t be food to eat. Of course after Kerry calculated the cost of the feed and the final sales price of the steers the kids each sold their steers for more than a $1,000 more than was spent raising them.
So this note Kerry says he found the second portion is written to Abram and it talks about the textbook and the discussion between Abram and Lynn. In fact the note was left on top of that textbook for Abram. But Kerry never allowed Abram to read it or told him anything about how it was written too him. While, Kerry had not been present for the argument between Lynn and Abram he was fully aware of the context that the note was written in. In fact he said so during the confrontation between my dad, Abram and I during the spring of 2015. Kerry lied to the investigators saying that he had no idea what the note meant and he hid the details of the argument with Abram and its relevance to the content of the note.
In interviews Kerry has claimed that he had no idea about the argument and that he never understood the second portion of the note until discussing the details with us in the spring of 2015. This is a lie. In fact he discussed and brought up the argument with Abram numerous times with investigators. During my confrontation with Kerry, he also acknowledged that he knew that Abram and my mom had made amends. He knew that as soon as Abram realized that he had lost his temper with mom he immediately apologized and made a commitment to her that he would make sure that he took proactive steps to make sure they would not let stress build up between them.
The day after their argument Abram and his family had gone to a get together with my mom and dad at a friend’s house for the 4th of July. Clearly things had been settled between Abram and mom since they had a great time together eating, talking and laughing late into the evening together. It has become clear that Kerry has viewed and used the note as a means to indict Abram claiming that he had driven Lynn off the mental edge. There is no doubt from the numerous times Kerry has said exactly that too me, that my dad has convinced himself that my mother is dead today because of Abram. Or at least that is the story that he is telling behind closed doors. If this were in fact true, do you really think my mom would have spent hour after hour with Abram and his family the very next day laughing and talking over dinner, fireworks and a bonfire?
Kerry’s relationship with Abram has deteriorated not simply because of Abram’s questioning of dad, but because Kerry has tried to blamed Abram from day one. He knew that the note the second portion was not written too him, it was too Abram and he has expressed that he would like to pretend that that portion of the note doesn’t exist. While Kerry has privately excused his lies too Abram, investigators, and I about the note as some type of attempt to protect Abram from feeling guilty, he has in fact blamed Abram and actively shifted guilt and blame too Abram. What has really happened is Kerry has blamed Abram completely and to hide his own feelings and or actions he has lied over and over again.
In April of 2015 the detectives sat down with Abram. They explained to him how that Kerry had told them that if they showed anyone the note, or talked about it that he would no longer cooperate with the investigation. They continued to outline the problems they were experiencing in the investigation. That Kerry was no longer cooperating with the investigation. In an effort to have some questions answered they showed Abram the note. It is also important to know that on the morning of July 8th 2014 Abram had told the investigators in specific detail all about the argument that he had with mom. The investigators knew from the beginning the context which that portion of the note was written in… in spite of Kerry’s lies about not having any idea what it meant. It was in fact the nature of conversations between Mom and Elizabeth, and Mom and I about Abram that investigators first focused on.
It is important to know that mom would often leave notes for us. Many times she would leave notes for Abram and Elizabeth sometimes at their house and sometimes at her house. The fact that a note exists would not be unusual by any means if anything it would be ordinary. So when you read the note understand that its content is not atypical but is more passive aggressive than typical. As I mentioned previously the note is written with two different types of ink most likely at two different times. The top lines are written with a fine blue pen the middle section written to Abram is written with a green Sharpie marker and the closing line is written with the same blue pen as the top two lines.
The text of the note as best as Abram could relate are as follows.

“I am sorry pa to put

you through this

I love you with all my heart.

Abram on the table you will find the biology book. the last chapter has the stuff that you were told to read but we never discussed. there is also the bible study book with the information that I “never taught” you. I am sorry I made you hate me.

Sorry everyone”

The wording may not be exact because Abram is recalling it from memory only seeing the note once, but this is the most accurate reproduction we can make. As you can see the note is certainly not cohesive and seems to be completely separate thoughts collected on the same page. If you look at the actual note that was written to Abram it would make total sense if she wrote the note to Abram on Thursday the 3rd of July given Kerry’s admission saying “I told her not to write that.”
So to conclude, my mom wrote a note. A note to her family, to everyone…maybe. A note was written either way. Mom, wrote a note to Abram and dad hid it from him, from me, from everyone and lied and lied and lied about it. Dad manipulated the investigation, has misrepresented what he knows about the note to the public, to his family, to investigators. He has used the note to control us, the investigation, to try and get pity from you. We don’t even know if mom wrote the note, or maybe he did? At least the portion written to Abram looks like mom’s hand writing. So the note doesn’t answer many questions but it certainly doesn’t indict Abram for having driven mother over the edge. Speaking of which, we need to talk about my mom, she was upset. She was depressed, she was overwhelmed and she didn’t get help. My dad knows that, he denies it but he knows it. My mother’s mental health is the subject of our next discussion.

 

 

Click link ‘LYNN MESSER’ in margin for more articles.

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Toxic Tuesday: Church Leadership Supporting Sexual Offenders Part 2

Part 2

Toxic Tuesday biochem hazard

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.”  Matthew 18:10 ESV

I am concerned about many churches in America, and abroad, regarding their lack of discernment or care for children’s safety.

For background leading up to this post see Church Leadership Supporting Sexual Offenders: Part 1

I am not a confrontational person at heart but last week the Lord gave me an assignment; a difficult uncomfortable lesson to present to people in places of church leadership and authority. I would rather pass on this project but at the same time; I am privileged for the option to obey.

So here it goes.

How would you feel if a sexual offender were in your house attacking your child, or had just left your house after attacking your child, and you called 911 for help but the 911 operator did not believe you? Instead they asked to speak to your attacker to hear their side of the story. Then they believed the attacker instead of you which in my book is the same as saying, “You’re crazy! Your child is lying! It never happened to your child; in fact, you invented this propaganda and told your child to repeat the lie. Admit it, you don’t like this person and you are trying to run them out-of-town and ruin their career. How could you say such a terrible thing about that person?” The operator then threatened you and your family should you decide to involve the law.

You turn your attacker in to the local authorities on your own but for doing so you experience hostility from the 911 operator and the staff from their office. You receive threats and your name is slandered in the community.

This is happening to children and their families in the church world-wide. There are predators in our society who are attending college and seminaries to train for working in the church to gain access to supply; children. Unsuspecting leadership and church goers are clueless to this fact so it isn’t surprising that when sexual abuse allegations come up; they are quickly denied by the perpetrator, not believed by the church staff or members, quieted or ignored.

I am disappointed, sad, sickened and frustrated when adults do not believe the children or take seriously the Biblical mandate to look after and welcome the little children; especially when they need protection from a predator. Children need to be believed.

I have witnessed churches, friends and ministry associates support such an offender and I believe they have much to answer for to the Lord, to the church they were entrusted with in leadership roles, to the children, and to the children’s families. I’m not alone in my opinion.

Here is a note I received from a well-respected man of God who specializes in bringing to light the plight of child sexual abuse in the church, Christian universities, para-church organizations, and on the mission field.

“Though I am glad this predator was finally caught and removed from having more opportunities to abuse little ones, I am sickened by the fact that the faith community has embraced him and advocates for his innocence. I have no doubt these individuals will one day be called into account for their failure to protect the vulnerable as they were too busy protecting evil. So glad that justice finally arrived…” Boz Tchividjian G.R.A.C.E., netgrace.org

“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.” Mark 9:42 ESV

And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ Matthew 25:40 ESV

Church is one of the places where children and abuse survivors should be the safest. The unfortunate truth is that molesters, pedophiles and sexual offenders know that the church is the one place where they can  be a new attendee, volunteer to help in children’s ministry, and be gladly received.

Most churches have a process in place for doing criminal background checks on volunteers but the fact remains that many people with sexual addictions and attractions to children have never been arrested; therefore, they pass the background check.

I’ve heard of numerous instances where churches hired staff knowing there had been child sexual abuse allegations in the person’s background but the church believed the, “I’m innocent of the allegations. Someone was mad at me for ________ (fill in the blank). The church leadership and/or search committee believed them and gave them the authority to abuse more children. That’s exactly how I look at it.

Here is one example of a convicted sex offender: “The allegations were false’: At the time he was hired, the pastor informed the church of his past conviction and claimed the allegations were false. Despite the fact that a court of law found sufficient evidence to convict this man of a sexual offense against a child, the church preferred to believe his words. I have seldom encountered child sexual abusers who did not claim that the allegations made against them were false. I even prosecuted cases where the defendant gave a full confession to law enforcement as he maintained his innocence to friends and family. Anytime we are dealing with someone who has been prosecuted for sexually abusing a child, we don’t have the luxury to accept his or her words of denial.” [i]

The church needs to be concerned about the safety of children not concerned about the church’s reputation. When children are protected, families and people will know they are part of a loving godly ministry. While on earth Jesus did not teach, “Protect the reputation of the church, the pastors, or the leaders even if it means sacrificing the children.” This is not scriptural.

“And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” Matthew 18:5-6

Beginning today I pray that churches, pastors and friends recognize God has set local authority over us; therefore, we need to use God’s tool (local authorities) by getting out of the way and allowing the law to do its job.

The church must believe and protect our children. We live in a world where drugs are readily available to help lessen or deaden the pain and where suicide claims the lives of so many children and young adults who have suffered at the hands of molesters and pedophilic offenders. If the church were doing its job drug usage and the suicide rate would be considerably less.

Pastors, friends and family members need to do what is right and when they don’t; we need to make the consequence a heavy weight that reminds them and shows people around them the importance of believing and protecting the children. It isn’t your job to decide guilt or innocence. Always report sexual abuse allegations to the authorities and allow the professionals to do their job. Children rarely lie about sexual abuse.

For the church members and friends who stood as character witnesses with the above/below mentioned pastor or wrote letters of reference for him to the court; you should have made a few phone calls before helping this sexual offender. The ex-wife, previous ministries and former mentors would have been the obvious choices. There was a trail of legal paperwork, medical paperwork and witnesses which should have removed any doubt or at least placed doubt and many questions in your mind.

“And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” Matthew 18:5-6

Here are excerpts from the Independence Daily Reporter article, by Allen Smith, about Butler’s Montgomery County District Court sentencing.

“The former minister of the Community Christian Church of Independence, Kansas, was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole for 25 years for aggravated criminal sodomy of a child.” [ii]

The next portion is by the mother of the then 3-year-old boy who Steven Paul Butler was sentenced under Jessica’s Law for victimizing.

“I have prayed many different prayers over the past 4 ½ years. In one of the constant prayers I have asked God, that no child would ever be hurt by Steve Butler,” She said.

“I have watched my son go from a joyful confident child, to a shattered mess of confusion, fear and heartbreak, shame and anger.”

“He feels unworthy of love, friendship or success,” she said.

Then she focused her anger on Butler.

“I trusted a man who acted like a great man of God with the most important things in my life, my children. He abused his power. My son has suffered so much and the only hope he has, the light at the end of the tunnel, is Mr. Butler will never hurt another child again.”

“I merely ask you not to let my son’s suffering be in vain,” the mother wrote.

The boy’s grandfather also spoke at the hearing.

“This act of sexual abuse towards our grandson has robbed him of his precious childhood innocence,” he said. “He has had to relive the incident over and over for the past four years.”

“When he should have been enjoying things like Christmas, birthdays and the simple things of life, he has spent these years in fear, worrying that Steve Butler would be set free to come after him and harm him again.” [iii]

Here is the last segment I will share:

“Cullins (the judge) acknowledged he had received and reviewed ‘thoroughly,’ letters of support from several people including, David Bycroft, pastor at the Tryo Christian Church, Reggie Epps, Dave Rutherford, Larita Jones, Charles Rice, Ilene Vance, Bess Clark and Vicki Edington, among others.” [iv]

The local reporter believed one of the moms and her child to not be believable. Let me point out that this momma and her child were the perfect targets for any child predator. No, she didn’t show overt emotion. Yes, her child suffers from mental illness. Any child victimized before the age of 6 is at high risk for developing personality disorders. This momma’s child was 5 when the defendant was accused of molesting him. If the defendant followed his usual plan of attack he knew the child’s history of emotional difficulties, including abuse, and knew the mom’s personal and family history; preying upon the child specifically for these reasons. The defendant knew that even if he was caught, no one would ever believe the child or his mom. See : How Sexual Predators Choose Child Victims and Pedophile or Molester

Ronnie Epps, founding pastor of Johnson County Christian Church/Legacy Christian Church in Overland Park, Kansas, and Reggie Thomas of White Fields Evangelism in Joplin, Missouri attended as supporters of the defendant. As a former adult victim of the defendant I can tell you that it felt like they were screaming at me, “He never raped you. He never abused your child. You’re crazy. How could you say such a thing about this wonderful man of God?”

I understood the words of past victims who have said, “It felt like I was being violated all over again.” That was exactly how I felt and it was painful but the torment came in how I felt for the helpless children who weeks earlier had to testify in front of their abuser while church members and pastors/evangelists sat there supporting the defendant. I pleadingly submit to you; the church should have been there for the children.

You blindly supported a sexual offender without investigating past allegations by contacting former churches, mentors and former family members and you betrayed innocent children; the apples of Jesus’ eye.

Now all of you who are supporters of this man have some accounting to do. You didn’t allow the little children to come to Jesus. You owe them and their families an apology. You need to decide how you can minister to them and help facilitate healing.

I understand that you may not recognize or understand a fraudulent deceiver when you see one because you are not deceitful. Perhaps you had no idea what to look for. But the fact remains that when the allegations arose you should have thought first and foremost about the innocent children and dug into the accuser’s background. You didn’t.

Some people have asked, “Where was God?” This question is an easy way of bucking the church’s responsibility.  I ask where the church was.

“And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward.” Matthew 10:42

The local church needs to publicly apologize for their inexcusable behavior and the denial of the facts; for not investigating past allegations as soon as they learned about them, for believing the offender, for leaving children alone with Butler, and for not supporting the children and their families in court. I believe you have lost some of your reward. Have you regretted second guessing, remaining silent, or not supporting the children? You are partly responsible for the abuse that took place in the church building. I whole heartedly believe Jesus wants you to make amends and make sure children in your care are always protected today, and in the future.  For help on how to protect children in your church and how to minister to abuse survivors I recommend, Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment or visit G.R.A.C.E. at their Facebook page.

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them. Mark 10:13-16

The church and the defendant’s supporters hindered the little children. You added to their heartache. The children will likely always remember that the church, Christians and Christian leaders/pastors did not believe them. This will make their journey to healing more difficult and could possibly interfere with a how they relate to God their Father. It has the potential to keep them from an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. They will have a tendency to resist the Holy Spirit. Did you stop and ask if your response would hurt the child’s relationship with the Lord or if your support would add trauma to an already difficult circumstance?

Now for the good news; the reminder. The Lord in His great mercy, grace and beauty offers all of us the gift of repentance.

Repentance is not God’s way of condescendingly reminding us of our sin, failures and mistakes. Quite the opposite. It is our chance to approach Him, and through repentance, receive forgiveness, healing, power, wisdom and blessing. Repentance is a beautiful gift. God does not dole out punishments, although there may be natural consequences, but instead gives good gifts to those seeking His heart and will.

I will end this week’s post with a quote from my friend Cindy Sigler Dagnan’s Facebook author page. She had no idea about my blog or the fact I was asking the Lord if my post was appropriate.  I was inquiring of the Lord what to write and how to handle a sensitive subject. I knew I was to show firmness from a biblical viewpoint fueled by love for the Lord’s church. At the same time I was feeling completely inadequate and questioning what I had written. Then I felt the Holy Spirit almost blow me over as He reassured me through Cindy’s Facebook status update. I read it, then re-read it through blurry tear-filled eyes.

“It’s a poverty when God’s words are watered down for the sake of being culturally sensitive, in the name of comforting others or not being offensive. His absolute truth is by nature going to offend because it requires of us change. Perhaps more scary, it requires us to do nothing but ACCEPT His grace and the promise of salvation — we CANNOT earn it! We can sooo love others to Jesus without backing down. Confronting wrong is NOT the same as pointing unkind judgmental fingers. After all, Jesus saved His most pointed comments for those who should KNOW BETTER, not for the unsaved. He loved them, but gently and firmly said, “Go and sin no more.” He DID NOT say, “That’s not really sin if you really want to do this.” Cindy Sigler Dagnan 9/14/2014

Next week: Part 3 of Church Leadership Supporting Sexual Offenders

[i]Boz Tchividjian, “4 lessons we can learn from a church that hired a sex offender”, Religion News Service, June 27, 2014- See more at: http://boz.religionnews.com/2014/06/27/4-lessons-learn-church-just-doesnt-get/#sthash.04Tyr82H.dpuf

[ii]Allen Smith, “Former minister Butler receives life sentence for aggravated sodomy”, Independence Daily Reporter, August 22, 2014

[iii] Smith, “Former minister Butler receives life sentence for aggravated sodomy”

[iv] Smith, “Former minister Butler receives life sentence for aggravated sodomy”

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Toxic Tuesday: Church Leadership Supporting Sexual Offenders

Toxic Tuesday biochem hazard

Part 1

Matthew 18:10

“See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.”

This post has kept me up late at night shaking—literally. I know the Lord has called me to blog about my prayer life, about the boundaries He is patiently helping me learn to set (I’m an extremely slow learner in this area) and about the life difficulties and traumas I have experienced. The subjects tend to be downers; heavy and sometimes dark instead of fun, witty and uplifting. I’m a girl who wants to have fun. I want to quit writing about the subject content of a sex offender’s recent trial I waited, for what seemed a life time, to be successfully prosecuted and I wanted last week’s post to be the end of the subject, but I had no peace about my decision.

This week a statement kept surfacing in my mind, “The church; my people who are called by my name,  are not protecting or believing the little children.” I wanted to know if this was my discernment or words from the Lord. The statement wasn’t during my quiet time or during any prayer time. I’m good at reminding the Lord I am made from dust and fully capable of making mistakes, misreading Him or disobeying. I don’t want to be guilty of any of these things and I needed to confirm His heart and will in the matter and make sure my frustrations weren’t taking over my thought life.

I was awake at 2:30 a.m. Tuesday morning wondering if I was really supposed to continue with the ‘trial’ subject. I prayed about it—a lot. There was no instant answer so I asked questions, gave thanks and told the Lord I would skip it for this week, maybe forever, unless He specifically spoke to me on the subject in any way of His choosing.

I woke up Tuesday morning opened a workbook I studied years ago and which I am now taking my boys through for morning Bible study.  The study is, Jesus the One and Only by Beth Moore. We began week 8, Day 1, Causing Others to Sin. Please read Luke 17:1-5 to familiarize yourself with the passage.

Then at lunch my boys and I listened to Eric Metaxas on YouTube speak about Bonhoeffer. My boys enjoy listening to Eric Metaxas so I pulled up YouTube, searched his name, and clicked on Bonhoeffer so we could count it as part of a history lesson. Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a man who did the right thing, a hard thing, despite the resistance and social climate of the day. He was a Nazi resister who defied the evil and false biblical teachings surrounding him to the point of death by execution in a concentration camp.

Great heroes of the faith who have gone before me climbed to much braver, more difficult, impossible, and courageous callings—unto death.

I received an easy assignment: Share what the Lord is teaching me through typing. I can do this.

Back to Beth’s lesson: In Luke 17:1-5 Christ was addressing his disciples about things that can cause people; more specifically, little children to sin. Jesus said, “Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come.” Luke 17:1

I will not attempt to re-teach something Beth Moore has taught. Here are a few excerpts from week 8, day 1. I will refer to the sex offender as the trapper and defendant but the message is to the people who attempted to shield the trapper:

The Greek word for offenses, skandalon, means, “the trigger of a trap on which the bait is placed, and which, when touched by the animal, springs and causes it to close causing entrapment… .Skandalon always denotes an enticement to conduct which could ruin the person in question.” [i]

It is obvious the trapper is the defendant but I believe the defendant’s supporters (those who attempted to shield the trapper/defendant) should ask God to show them why they so easily and foolishly were vulnerable to the defendant. Then they should be resolved, that if ever another situation like this comes to light, they will demonstrate due diligence in performing a background check to the best of their ability—and believe the children. Young children rarely lie about sexual abuse.

“Christ issued a woe to anyone who causes another person to sin. But look at the pronounced indictment against anyone who causes one of these little ones to sin. Who are these little ones? The original word is mikros. Study the following definition: ‘of age meaning small, young, not grown up; in the comparative degree meaning less, younger…figuratively, of dignity, authority, meaning low, humble.’ We certainly know Christ’s reference to little ones includes literal children because in Matthew’s version He actually ‘called a little child and had him stand among them’ before He issued these statements in Matthew 18:2.”[ii]

“Christ’s reference to little ones spotlights children,” those young in age, “…or inferior to the trapper in knowledge, experience, authority, or power—anyone of whom it might be easy to take advantage. That Christ holds the trapper greatly responsible is a gross understatement! He appears to be saying, if you have entrapped a weaker, more vulnerable person in sin,” a child, “you’re going to wish you had drowned in the deepest sea rather than deal with me.”[iii]

“A day of reckoning is coming. No trapper gets away with entrapment—of human kind or spirit kind.”[iv]

Let’s go back to who Christ was addressing; His disciples. “Christ wasn’t just issuing an assurance of horrible consequences for the trapper. He was also issuing a warning that His disciples better not be among them.” Shielders. “If Christ’s temperature rises over the godless trapper, can you even imagine how His temperature would rise over the trapper who bears His name?” (Or those who help or shield the trapper.) “God forbid!”[v]

“If God would judge those outside His own household, I think we can rest assured He would discipline His own…by all means let’s be on our guard never to cause another person to sin. The Word is clear we have that potential.”[vi]

“So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” Luke 17:3-4 (NIV)

“If we are functioning as a healthy body, ideally we should be able to bring issues that affect us to the table with one another and dialogue and, when appropriate, even rebuke or receive a rebuke. This type of approach demands the maturity expressed in Ephesians 4:14-15 (NIV)” [vii]  “Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”

Thank you for reading this introduction. I will continue on this theme the next 2-3 weeks of Toxic Tuesday posts. I’ll call them ‘Sticky Posts’ because they are about to become stickier.

[i] Beth Moore, Jesus the One and Only,  (Nashville, TN, LifeWay Press, 2000), 171

[ii] Moore, Jesus the One and Only, 172

[iii] Moore, Jesus the One and Only, 173

[iv] Moore, Jesus the One and Only, 173

[v] Moore, Jesus the One and Only, 173

[vi] Moore, Jesus the One and Only, 174

[vii] Moore, Jesus the One and Only, 174