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Toxic Tuesday: Self-Pleasuring

Toxic Tuesday biochem hazard

“Pornography twists and perverts the beauty and the biblical design of God’s creation. It leads men and women to look at each other as nothing more than objects of personal pleasure. It causes them to fantasize about sexual relationships with other people, and that’s a terrible blow to marital commitment.” – The Art of Marriage Session Five LOVE SIZZLES

Today’s topic comes on the heels of two articles that came across my Facebook feed through friends of mine. This post is not for the faint of heart but then again parenting and marriage sometimes require heavy-duty fortitude, resolve, and tough love. This in not a subject anyone voluntarily wants to openly discuss; however, the internet has changed our societal trends, our relational skills, and the timing and topics of biblical sexuality we discuss with our children.

The first article is about Hugh Hefner, the king of porn and Playboy. It seems Mr. Hefner lied to millions of men about the means he has to use to reach sexual satisfaction.

The second article alerts us to a new porn advertisement unveiled in New York City’s legendary Times Square.

The advertisement screams the lie, “All you need is hand,” while the testimony about a porn addicted millionaire says, “Hand is the only thing that will accomplish satisfaction once you are accustomed to using it.”

I’ll put it bluntly—as bluntly as I heard a Christian psychologist once state it, “No woman can compete with ‘Rosy Palm’. A soft warm wife will never grip as hard or move as fast as Rosy.” And this is why doctors are seeing skyrocketing rates of erectile dysfunction in otherwise healthy males.

I’m not singling men out because the truth is that millions of women are also self-pleasuring.

Statistics teach us that these rates are the same for Christians and non-Christians.

The habit of self-pleasuring/self-gratifying (masturbating) to porn is narcissistic in nature and often leads to narcissistic personality disorder. I bet you won’t find this huge fact in a porn magazine or in a disclaimer at the end of pornographic websites.

We were created to bond with other people and on the most intimate level we were made to bond and reproduce with our spouse in the love, safety, fun, creativity and mutual satisfaction of a committed marital relationship ‘til death do we part’. When people choose to have sex with themselves they bond with themselves.  They become full of toxic, malignant, cancerous, self-love. Instead of learning to care for others they only care for themselves. Everything is about them: Their body, their satisfaction, their time, their space, their money, their home, their ideas, their preferences—I hope you’re getting the idea. The, “I am and there is none besides me,” mentality to the max!

Masturbating takes sex outside of marriage; outside of the covenant relationship between husband, wife and God.

This greatly hinders a person from being a committed, loving spouse or parent who practices empathy, self-sacrifice, spiritual leadership, and meeting other people’s needs.

Here’s my question: If men and women knew the truth about porn, the chemical reactions/addictions that take place in brain chemistry due to using porn, and if they understood that the use of it eventually leads to erectile and sexual dysfunction and the inability to sexually perform with or enjoy their wife/husband; would they start down the path of looking at and using porn for stimulation? If they knew it could lead to a personality disorder and not being able to genuinely bond with and love other humans would they instead muster up self-control to STAY AWAY FROM PORN?

People with NPD think they bond and love like everyone else. They don’t! That is what makes it a disorder/mental illness.

We are to be, “rooted and established in love;” for God and for others. Not rooted and established in self-love.

I don’t believe any person sets the goal of, “I will learn to not love anyone and to not enjoy relationships with anyone. I will live a lonely miserable life.” Yet, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Proverbs 29:18a. In a world of temptations, and internet porn on demand, people must resolve to immediately look away and not look back again at pornographic images. Our families, our culture, and the church need resolved Christians who strive for purity with a vision for spiritually, emotionally and sexually healthy marriages.

“Love is life’s purest and most powerful motivator. It always does what is best for others and invites us to reach new heights in our relationships. Love brings fresh flavor to our living and renewed joy to our giving. Every relationship becomes more meaningful with it. No family is truly happy without it.”[i]

Read: Hugh Hefners dirty little secret by JONATHON VAN MAREN From the front lines of the culture wars. Jonathon Van Maren is a writer and pro-life speaker who has given presentations across North America on abortion and pro-life strategy.  CAUTION: Some graphically written content.

Read: Hey, Pornhub. We’re not buying it by Fight the New Drug. FTND is dropping knowledge on the harmful effects of porn since ’09.
Fight the New Drug’s mission is to educate and raise awareness on the harmful effects of pornography by using science, facts, and personal accounts.

The best place to begin understanding sex within marriage is the Bible. I recommend Song of Solomon; a love song described scene by scene of the wooing and wedding of a shepherdess by King Solomon.

[i] Stephen and Alex Kendrick, “The Love Dare for Parents,” (Nashville: B & H Publishing Group, 2013) p. 1

Teach Your Daughters to Fear God, Not Men!

A friend sent me this article via Facebook. This is an excellent read, recommended by Kirk Cameron, and I especially appreciate the call to the church to get involved when women are in these types of relationships. Great food for thought and more importantly for action. I’ll be re-reading and praying about this.

Click here to read this short article: Teach Your Daughters to Fear God, Not Men!.

Tex-Mex Crock Pot Pork Shoulder

huppiemama.com Pork Shoulder Roast
huppiemama.com Pork Shoulder Roast

Freshly Pressed from Huppie Mama:

“{We often do family potlucks at my house with my sister and my parents. Usually it’s a ‘bring whatever you want’ kinda thing, and we end up with something like baked ziti, chicken…”

via Pork Shoulder Roast recipe & Caribbean dinner ideas.

I found Huppie Mama on Pinterest when I was looking to prepare pork shoulder/pork butt with a new twist and she provided the twist—of lemon and orange. I tweaked the recipe a couple of times and came up with my own Tex-Mex version.

I buy the pork shoulder or pork butt at SAMS Club for under $2.00 per pound. I served four people five meals with this recipe.

This recipe can be cooked, divided into 5 portions, and frozen in freezer bags. I sprinkle more spices on the meat before reheating because it tends to lose some of it’s flavor.

Here are seven meals I have made using the recipe:

  1. Pulled Pork, Cilantro Lime Rice (I add chopped cilantro and 1 juiced lime the last five minutes of the 20 minute cooking time for rice and stir.), 2 cans rinsed black beans in beef broth with ½ teaspoon each cumin, onion powder & chili powder; chopped zucchini, yellow squash & purple onion sautéed in olive oil with cracked pepper and Greek seasoning or Adobo seasoning. (I like all the above ingredients piled on top of each other; my boys like the foods separate.) Watermelon.
  2. Pulled Pork BBQ sandwiches (Spread butter on hamburger buns or Texas Toast {The yummiest} and brown in a warm pan. Serve meat on the bread with BBQ sauce {Head Country sauce is my fav), baked French fries, salad, grapes.
  3. Pulled Pork Nachos: Shredded Cheddar and/or Monterey Jack cheese, drizzled cheese or queso sauce, pulled pork and drizzled Chipotle BBQ sauce. (I used a medium aggressive heat, smokey Chipotle salsa from Cantina Laredo, the salsa they serve warm.) I made a mix of half Chipotle salsa and half Sweet Baby Rays BBQ sauce. My guys were making happy noises the entire time they ate; except when the stopped eating to ask for more of the sauce. (Any BBQ sauce with smokey chipotle will work. If in the St. Charles county area, Sugarfire has delicious Chiptole BBQ sauce.) Serve with fruit; mixed melons.
  4. Large Yukon Gold baking potatoes with toppings of butter, sour cream, cheese and warmed pulled pork in its broth. Ladle the pork and broth over the stuffed potato. (My boys were not thrilled until they took the first bite; then they were in heaven!) Serve with salad or fruit.
  5. Pulled Pork Chalupas. Serve on warmed flour or corn tortillas with toppings of your choice: Cheese, lettuce or spinach, tomato, onion, lime wedges (for a squirt of juice), chopped cilantro and salsa. Serve with warmed tortilla chips and fresh salsa for dipping.
  6. Pulled Pork dipped in BBQ sauce, baked homemade sweet potato fries drizzled with olive oil—sprinkled with seasoning salt and Rosemary, veggie & fruit.
  7. Pulled Pork Quesadillas served on flour or corn tortillas with shredded cheese. Serve with sautéed or steamed veggies and fruit salad. I core and cut 1 red apple, 1 green apple, 1 cup green grapes, 1 cup red grapes, 1 can chunk pineapple, ½ cup whole pecans; spoon 1 small container of peach yogurt over ingredients and toss.
GiveMe Tex-Mex or Else
GiveMe Tex-Mex or Else

Pork Shoulder Roast Ingredients:

  • 1 tablespoon coconut oil or extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1/2 large onion cut in chunks, plus 1 whole onion skinned with the slightest portion of ends cut off; just enough to remove the skin off the ends. You want the whole onion to stay together until finished cooking.)
  • 4 large garlic cloves
  • 2 fresh lemons juiced, choose the heaviest fruits—they have the most juice
  • 1 large orange juiced or several Clementines juiced
    • (the two juices combined should equal 1 cup)
  • 2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar
  • 2 tablespoons garlic powder
  • 2 tablespoons onion powder
  • 2 tablespoons freshly ground pepper
  • 2 tablespoons ground cumin
  • 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 teaspoon Salt
  • One 5-7 pound, bone-in Boston butt (pork shoulder, pork butt – I used a 7.5 lb pork butt

Directions:

  1. Place all ingredients, except the whole onion—NOT the whole onion, in a blender or food processor and puree.
  2. Pour half a cup of pureed mixture in bottom of crock pot.
  3. Place pork shoulder or pork butt in the crock pot and pour remaining mixture over the top and down the sides. Place whole onion is crock-pot. (I love onion flavor but putting one and a half pureed onions in the mixture messes with the texture of the finished recipe. The whole onion can be removed after cooking.)
  4. Cook on low for 9 hours. I checked mine at 7 hours. If it is still tough cut several slits across the top then turn it over and cut slits on the bottom.  It will finish cooking and be ready to shred at the end of 9 hours.

Yum!

 

 

21 Things NOT to Say to an Abuse Survivor and Leadership Journal’s Lack of Discernment

Toxic Tuesday biochem hazard

 

In light of the recent guilty verdict I witnessed in a court of law against a pastor who was on trial for violating two young boys, the topic of being an abuse survivor is weighing heavily on my mind.

Few people would purposefully say something thoughtless, judgmental, wrong or hurtful to a heart already aching from abuse.  It might be more likely that someone would say something out of ignorance or from not knowing there was an abuse survivor in their midst.

We do not want to add toxic thoughts, attitudes or words to an already hurting heart. We want to participate in their healing; not in reinjuring a deep hurt or scar.

This is likely not a topic or issue you have considered.  I know I have not purposefully thought through how to be kindhearted and sympathetic to victims so when I read Sarah Bessey’s post, 21 Sentences NOT to Say to a Sexual Abuse Survivor by Mary DeMuth I knew I wanted to share these caring thoughts with my readers.

Read: 21 Sentences NOT to Say to a Sexual Abuse Survivor http://sarahbessey.com/21-things-shouldnt-said-sexual-abuse-victims-guest-post-mary-demuth/

Mary DeMuth is a well-known author who last week weighed in on the recent Leadership Journal controversy. Last week LJ posted the story of a former youth pastor who was convicted of statutory rape with a girl, twelve years younger than him, in his youth group. I read the article and it was clear that the youth pastor had no remorse for his actions and considered the relationship consensual. In my opinion he had strong indicators of being a narcissistic/sociopathic type individual and did not own up to the spiritual harm brought to his wife, his children, the victim, the church or the youth group. I considered LJ  lacking in discernment for posting the article. To me this was one more reason sexual predators find the church an easy place to hide for preying upon victims. After many caring and concerned readers made comments asking LJ to remove the post, (many whose comments LJ removed) and many more readers who began a #TakeDownThatPost campaign; LJ decided to remove the post. One of the most compelling letters showing LJ their lapse of judgment for posting the article was submitted by Mary DeMuth.

You may read her letter “Dear Man in Prison,” here:

http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/2014/june-online-only/dear-man-in-prison.html

Check out Mary DeMuth’s newest book:  Not Marked: Finding Hope and Healing after Sexual Abuse.

Sex offenders in Faith Communities

protect childrenBelow is a letter penned by a pastor sitting in his prison cell. The letter is written to his 17-year-old victim. The depth of the pastor’s exploitation should make your skin crawl and your gut wrench; at least it does mine, as I have read similar letters written by a pastor pedophile I know.

“This week, I tried to climb into your heart and write the graffiti of the Gospel on the walls. I wanted to spray paint in Neon colors that you are Priceless + Precious + are “off the charts” important – yes – to me personally -but especially to OUR Savior Jesus Christ. I’m reading my Bible now to draw a little closer to God – even if it’s a millimeter closer – because if we both get a little closer to Him, we also get closer + stronger + deeper w/ each other.”- See more at: http://boz.religionnews.com/2014/04/26/sex-offenders/#sthash.1iX4S0Qp.dpuf

“I consider church people easy to fool…they have a trust that comes from being Christians.  They tend to be better folks all around and seem to want to believe in the good that exists in people.  I think they want to believe in people.  Because of that, you can easily convince, with or without convincing words.” – convicted child molester – See more at: http://boz.religionnews.com/2014/04/26/sex-offenders/#sthash.1iX4S0Qp.dpuf

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Read the entire Sex offenders, faith communities, and four common exploitations:

http://boz.religionnews.com/2014/04/26/sex-offenders/

The Truth about Everything

daily_commentary_04_18_14

Freshly pressed from BREAKPOINT:

On Good Friday, God made it clear “that we are incapable of setting things right.” He made it clear by taking our place. On the Cross, “the Judge of the guilty is Himself judged guilty.” This is, of course, the great scandal, one that paradoxically points to the great truth at the heart of Good Friday. We are powerless to set things right, and only God, the offended party, could undo the mess we created.

The Cross—God’s way of bearing witness to the truth about our condition—is as offensive today as it was 2,000 years ago. Now, as then, we insist on misinterpreting the events of that Friday afternoon, but to no avail. Our sin has been judged, and God Himself bore the punishment. And that is the truth about everything.

Listen to this three minute podcast by Charles Colson:

http://www.breakpoint.org/images/content/breakpoint/audio/2014/041814_BP.mp3

or click the below link to read the entire post :

The Truth about Everything.http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-archive/entry/13/24965?spMailingID=8394284&spUserID=OTQ0MjI5NzU5S0&spJobID=281614220&spReportId=MjgxNjE0MjIwS0

 

Toxic Tuesday: Narcissistic Fact and Fiction

A Narcissist uses lies and deceit to recruit others for the purpose of advancing themselves. It is not something they do; it is who they are.

Think of it this way; we know God is love, God is merciful, God is just, and God is kind. The list of God’s attributes goes on and on. Attributes are not what God does. Attributes are who God is.

Narcissists are selfish deceitful recruiters. It is not just what they do; it is who they are—at the core.

God is capable of saving, healing and changing anyone’s heart, but the catch remains, they have to want saved, healed and changed. Narcissistic personalities are special and do no wrong. They have no sin because the morals and laws that govern others do not apply to them; therefore, they do not need saved, healed or changed. They do not seek what they do not need. They need no forgiveness because they do no wrong.

Even when caught in the act they insist, “But wait, that’s not who I am. I (the real me) would never do that! I know how it appears but I can assure you it is not the truth.”

The longer narcissists believe their own lies, the more toxic their brain chemistry becomes.

The closer Christians emulate Jesus, the more loving they become.

True Christianity is driven by loving God and loving others.  True Narcissistic Personality Disorder is driven by malignant self-love.

230px-Narcissus-Caravaggio_(1594-96)_edited

Narcissus by Caravaggio. Gazing at his own reflection.

Narcissistic Fiction in the Christian Community                         Narcissistic Fact

  • Joyful Christ likeness                                                                     Superficial charm
  • Confident dynamic charisma                                                   Grandiose sense of self-worth,
  • Trustworthy and honest                                                              Pathological lying
  • I have your best interest at heart.                                           Cunning/manipulative
  • Believable compassion, beautifully written words.      Lack of remorse or guilt
  • Personable, witty & up front personality                            Callous/lack of empathy
  • Moral and just                                                                                     Failure to accept responsibility                                                                                                                           for own actions
  • Dynamic engaging speaker                                                          Copies well-known speakers
  • Humble                                                                              Lies, exaggerates achievements & talents

It is nearly impossible for a heart and mind to accept the truth of a friend or loved one’s depravity. The magnitude of the sin will catch no one off guard more than the person who loves the narcissist the most.

You may find more information on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, setting boundaries and dealing with toxic people under my Toxic Tuesday posts. You will also find scriptures to pray over these topics.

Side note: The top three professions for individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are actors/entertainers, psychologists and pastors (in no particular order). There is also a huge number with N.P.D. in politics. A quick study of world history and dictatorships will produce a list of Who’s Who with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Toxic: People Do Not Buy People

TRAFFICKING This is alarming.

This disgusts me.

The evil in this world brings me to tears.

It literally makes my heart hurt; real pain—heaviness, in my physical heart. There is no way to understand why men pay to have sex with children, young girls and women.

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Last night I learned about the below Focus on the Family daily broadcast. As parents and as a society we cannot protect when we do not know about, and cannot identify, the danger crouching to attack and devour our children.

I hope you find time to listen to this broadcast with your spouse and with your children if they are old enough to hear the story.

Knowledge is power. Know the tactics traffickers use! Emphasize to your family you trust Wilberforcethem; but you do not trust this world so we need to know signs of traffickers for protecting not only our own families but also for protecting friends, co-workers and neighbors.

Human trafficking knows no boundaries; age, race, class, religion, gender, ethnicity, ideology, nation, or home life.

Innocent victims, those who are not deceitful, have no baseline from which to understand deception. This makes discernment difficult. How is a young person to recognize or identify a human sex trafficker who has false motives?

With internet pornography in play (video not just still pictures) and more and more men becoming addicted to types of porn not previously seen by generations before us, I truly believe we are only seeing the tip of the sex trafficking iceberg. Consumer demand is high. Supply (the owner) desires to make big profit. Traffickers are bridging the supply and demand gap.

We usually think of traffickers as abductors but in more and more cases they are recruiters who use no force. Recruiters view victims as nothing more than a product which they are looking to sell to a pimp and/or an owner.

Brianna, in the Focus on the Family daily broadcast, was swept off her feet by someone with whom she had so much in common. The truth was they had nothing in common.

An older man, I’ll refer to him as a scout, who visited the restaurant where Brianna worked would strike up conversations with her and ask her questions about herself. Little did she know the older gentleman was passing the information on to college age guys, recruiters, who would then go to the eating establishment and converse with her about subjects that were of interest to her personally. She thought they had so much in common!

Victims are lured with charm, ease and false sincerity of young men who need taught their job is to defend and protect; not exploit.

Listen, learn…

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/popups/media_player.aspx?MediaId={512289A6-7E20-4F82-B11C-CF70FB65B543}

 

Other resources: SharedHope International: Pimps/traffickers often exhibit the following behaviors or characteristics. & Warning signs that a individual is being trafficked. http://sharedhope.org/learn/report-trafficking/ 

State Report Cards on how human trafficking laws and justice. How does your state rate?  http://sharedhope.org/what-we-do/bring-justice/reportcards/

Google your local county Sheriff’s Department: Sex Offender List  to find where local registered sex offenders live.  It is doubtful that human traffickers are on a sex offender’s list, but it is beneficial to know if you have offenders in your neighborhood.

St. Charles County Missouri: http://sheriff.sccmo.org/sheriff/index.php?option=com_sheriffoffender&Itemid=45

 

Toxic Tuesday: How Sexual Predators Choose Victims—Part 1

HOW SEXUAL PREDATORS CHOOSE CHILD VICTIMS

TOXIC TUESDAY warningHow do you identify a predator?

You may live next door to one, car pool with one, work with one, attend family get-togethers with one; or even live with one. They could be your child’s teacher, doctor, coach, spiritual mentor, youth leader or club leader. We live among them.

If you are to unknowingly observe a predator you may see: A cheerful smile, a joyful attitude, compassionate care, a generous giver, a dynamic speaker, an innocent joker, a spiritual giant, a prayerful parent, or a concerned friend. Many predators have the ability to hide, blend or put on a good act. A predator is capable of separating their sexual deviance from all other aspects of their life. They can be all those good things most of the time and a predator occasionally.

We live in a sick world which is full of evil but even evil can have a nice side; an attractive side.

We must remember the entire issue regarding childhood sexual abuse is purely a spiritual battle.

Ephesians 6:12 (NIV) For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

John 3:19 (NIV) This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.

John 8:12 (NIV) When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

John 12:46 (NIV) “I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness.”

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How can parents protect against child predators? The sad fact remains; there is no full proof guarantee our children will never be abused no matter the measures we take to keep them safe. Statistics say 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys will suffer sexual abuse before the age of 18. Even in the Christian community.

Since knowledge is power, and I know you as a parent want the power to protect, I am going to pass on to you the knowledge I have gained through life experience and prolonged study.

~ ~ ~ ~

There are clues to look for and safety guidelines to live by. There is the power of prayer and there is the importance of talking openly with your children. If you need help talking with your child about their God given gift of sexuality; I have two links to Reviving Our Hearts with, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, where she interviews Josh McDowell. I thank my friend, Debbie, for bringing this broadcast series to my attention. I found the podcasts to be life changing in how I talk with my two young boys about the culture around us.

Josh McDowell: “We cannot raise our children the way our parents raised us—not in the light of the Internet.”

“. . . develop a close relationship with them (your children).” He recommends that we begin the conversations when our children are young.

Josh McDowell says when we do become aware of an issue, “Here’s the key, as a parent, not to become judgmental, not to shame.

You may listen to the interview or quickly read the transcripts. The links are at the end of this post.

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Due to the length of today’s topic I am breaking it in to three segments. The first part for today is, “How Sexual Predators Choose Victims” Part 2 “Protecting Children from Predators” Part 3 “Symptoms of Child Sexual Abuse”

How a predator chooses their victim. (Not a conclusive list and is somewhat dated. I believe with the rise of internet pornography, many predators will be younger and quicker. They will just do it.)

  • Looks for a child lacking close family relationships. Often preys upon children from split homes; especially children of single moms who are working multiple jobs while providing for their children.
  • Offers to provide free babysitting or fun outings for your child; without you present.
  • Often times molesters know the children are vulnerable because they know the family, or a parent has confided in this trusted person of the child’s mental state. They are very calculatingly deliberate in gaining the child’s trust. This is the most important aspect to help them accomplish their sexually gratifying goal.
  • They target victims who are undervalued by their community; the church, the school, the neighborhood.
  • Target victims in settings where they have authority or leadership over their victim.
  • Once the process has begun a predator can strike anywhere. It can be as simple as being left alone with the child for a moment, a few minutes or an hour. A predator in the mood and who has a moment of opportunity can victimize by touch, fondling, showing a pornographic image or exposing their genitals. It’s quick and it’s over before you return to the room from retrieving food to serve to them or taking a phone call in the next room.

In January 2010, Oprah Winfrey sat down with four admitted child molesters and their therapist, Dawn Horwitz-Person, for a frank discussion about the cycle of abuse. Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/4-Things-to-Know-About-Child-Molestation#ixzz2ZjNtMrjW

These predators admitted:

  • It is a high percentage (90%) of molesters who know the child/children they molest.
  • Molesters like to pick children of close friends or family members; especially children who rely on them.
  • Molesters target vulnerable children.
  • Molesters will tell the child they love him/her. They also look for children with a poor parental relationship and attempt to be the good trusting adult in the victim’s life.
  • If the molester can manipulate the victim and make the act feel good it confuses the child and makes them think it is their own fault.
  • According to these men, the “grooming” process starts early, and at first, it is subtle.

Taken from: Child Sexual Abuse: 6 Stages of Grooming, By Dr. Michael Welner

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Child-Sexual-Abuse-6-Stages-of-Grooming/2#ixzz2ZLGIfzTY

The typical offender is male, begins molesting by age 15, engages in a variety of deviant behavior, and molest an average of 117 youngsters, most of whom do not report the offense.

Predators will (look for a victim through these avenues; including via the internet):

  • Prey on teen’s desire for romance, adventure, and sexual information
  • Develop trust and secrecy: manipulate child by listening to and sympathizing with child’s problems and insecurities
  • Affirm feelings and choices of child
  • Exploit natural sexual curiosities of child
  • Ease inhibitions by gradually introducing sex into conversations or exposing them to pornography
  • Flatter and compliment the child excessively, sends gifts, and invests time, money, and energy to groom child
  • Develop an online relationship that is romantic, controlling, and upon which the child becomes dependent
  • Drive a wedge between the child and his or her parents and friends
  • Make promises of an exciting, stress-free life, tailored to the youth’s desire
  • Make threats, and often will use child pornography featuring their victims to blackmail them into silence

*Enough Is Enough, “How Do Predators Groom Kids?” Internet Safety 101, http://www.internetsafety101.org/grooming.htm

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One may add to the pedophile’s check-list, which does not necessarily mean a preference for girls or boys: A  particular eye color, hair color, physical build/body shape, age range, or type of clothing a child might wear. (See last week’s Toxic Tuesday: Pedophile or Molester?) https://chocolateorelse.wordpress.com/2014/02/18/toxic-tuesday-pedophile-or-molester/

Next week I will blog about: Protecting Children from Predators.

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Because God authorized King David’s prayers and songs to be recorded in Holy Scripture I am confident I can use them as a precedence to pray over our earthly troubles.

I offer a prayer for childhood sexual abuse victims to be vindicated. Please join me in praying:

Psalm 18: 1-3, 16-19, 25-29, 31-42, 46-48

I love you, Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
and I have been saved from my enemies.

 

16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.

25 To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
26 to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.
27 You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
28 You, Lord, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
29 With your help I can advance against a troop[a];
with my God I can scale a wall.

31 For who is God besides the Lord?
And who is the Rock except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and keeps my way secure.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he causes me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You make your saving help my shield,
and your right hand sustains me;
your help has made me great.
36 You provide a broad path for my feet,
so that my ankles do not give way.

37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
38 I crushed them so that they could not rise;
they fell beneath my feet.
39 You armed me with strength for battle;
you humbled my adversaries before me.
40 You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
and I destroyed my foes.
41 They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—
to the Lord, but he did not answer.
42 I beat them as fine as windblown dust;
I trampled them[a] like mud in the streets.

46 The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God my Savior!
47 He is the God who avenges me,
who subdues nations under me,
48     who saves me from my enemies.
You exalted me above my foes;
from a violent man you rescued me.
49 Therefore I will praise you, Lord, among the nations;
I will sing the praises of your name.

*http://www.biblegateway.com/

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Day 1 with Josh McDowell: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/small-conversations-big-results/

Day 2 with Josh McDowell: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/stepping-your-childs-world/

Famed Evangelical Josh McDowell Details ‘Horrific’ Sexual Abuse & Why He Once Tried to Disprove Jesus’ Resurrection in New Autobiography: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2012/09/01/famed-evangelical-josh-mcdowell-details-horrific-sexual-abuse-why-he-once-tried-to-disprove-the-resurrection-in-his-new-autobiography/

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Church Tackles Child Abuse – US – CBN News – Christian News 24-7 – CBN.com

child abuse myth

Pornography has rocked my world more than once and if there were one issue, one black stain on the fabric of humanity, one tool of the enemy I could rid our world of; porn is it.

We do not need statistics to remind us pornography knows no boundaries; race, nationality, sex, religion, profession or age. I know it is a sad statement but it is true. Pornography being  instantly available on the internet to everyone leaves me gravely concerned about the magnitude of sexual crimes yet to be reported.

I want the church to be aware they are a haven for pornography addicted sexual predators. As the below article suggests; people in places of leadership can be accused of misconduct. As adults and/or leaders we need to be careful not to put ourselves in a situation where we are alone with a child or youth; for their sake and for ours. We need to be protective of children.

Here is the most alarming aspect of a predator/pedophile gaining a place of leadership in the church. They purposefully seek the place of leadership exactly because they are predators and they know where to find children; there is an ample supply of children in churches, schools and sporting activities. Some of these predators go to college and plan their careers based on their end goal: supply—child victims.

Once an unknown predator establishes themselves in a church there is little possibility anyone would suspect them. Even more, when a parent is having problems with a child at home or at school, who is the first person they may confide in asking for help or prayer support? The pastor/preacher/priest, staff, Sunday school teacher or youth Leader. Yes, this is how they often prey on children (and occasionally adults) in the church. The predator knows the child’s emotional state and carefully picks his victim. I say “His” because most predators are male but in today’s world with internet porn and porn romance books we are beginning to see more female predators. Porn changes your brain chemistry. It is a scientific fact.

We need to believe the children! When we are presented with an allegation we need to report it. Always. No matter how much you love or respect the person. Make the report.

A false allegation will rarely make it very far through an investigation. The story has to hold through multiple interviews with different professionals. If any part of the story changes; the investigation is over.

An easy lie for a victim is:  “No, it didn’t happen.” The most difficult lie for a victim is a  detailed report of a traumatic event. False allegations of child abuse are rare.

We should never be shocked when we find out someone did something we would never believe about them.  We are all sinful. It is the human condition and unfortunately we cannot recognize a child predator based on race, nationality, sex, religion, profession or age.  You never know what goes on in someone else’s home or mind.

You may click on the link below for:

Predator Haven? Church Tackles Child Abuse – US – CBN News – Christian News 24-7 – CBN.com.

Written By: Heather Sells

CBN News Reporter

Church should be the last place that parents worry about taking their children. But instead of a sanctuary, child sexual abuse experts say it can be dangerous for kids and can provide a friendly environment for predators.

Studies show that one out of four Americans are survivors of child sexual abuse. That poses a daunting challenge for churches trying to help the adult victims while also protecting potential victims.

“We so focus on issues of forgiveness and grace – offenders are drawn to these places. They’re drawn to places where if they get caught, they simply need to cry and say they’re sorry. And the church many times embraces them and places them back where they were,” child sexual abuse expert Boz Tchvidjian said.

“Churches are also in great need of volunteers. I’ve never been to a church that was not in need of a volunteer. And churches are very trusting,” he added.

To help churches in the fight against this trend, Tchvidjian began the Grace Initiative, Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment.

In recent years he’s seen progress as believers talk more openly about the problem.

Tchvidjian would like to see more denominations and local churches developing policies that minister to survivors while also protecting kids.

“You have to know how offenders think and act so you can stay one step or two steps ahead of them,” Tchvidjian said.

Often the biggest challenge for churches is learning how to respond to reports of abuse. In many instances abusers have been well-liked and trusted leaders.

Tchividjian described where the breakdown happens.

“When the 13- or 14-year-old kid in the youth group who’s caused a lot of trouble in the youth group, who comes from a broken home, who maybe has had some trouble with the law, when that 13- or 14-year-old comes forward and says ‘this particular person in the church has abused me’ and when that person happens to be an elder or a leader or a well-respected person in the church – how are we going to respond?” he said.

Tchvidjian calls on churches to take sexual abuse reports to the authorities quickly and be prepared to minister to victims, offenders, and their families.

He said his shedding of light on darkness is the best way for the Church to move forward and demonstrate integrity in a fallen world.

Heather Sells enjoys reporting on a variety of issues for CBN News. Some of her recent stories have focused on religious liberties, technology, AIDS, overseas missions, domestic trafficking, and politics.  Follow Heather on Twitter @SellsHeather and “like” her at Facebook.com/HeatherSellsCBNNews.

Consider praying Psalm 5 over childhood victims and sexual predators.

Psalm 5 (NIV)

1 Listen to my words, Lord,
consider my lament.
2 Hear my cry for help,
my King and my God,
for to you I pray.

3 In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait expectantly.
4 For you are not a God who is pleased with wickedness;
with you, evil people are not welcome.
5 The arrogant cannot stand
in your presence.
You hate all who do wrong;
6     you destroy those who tell lies.
The bloodthirsty and deceitful
you, Lord, detest.
7 But I, by your great love,
can come into your house;
in reverence I bow down
toward your holy temple.

8 Lead me, Lord, in your righteousness
because of my enemies—
make your way straight before me.
9 Not a word from their mouth can be trusted;
their heart is filled with malice.
Their throat is an open grave;
with their tongues they tell lies.
10 Declare them guilty, O God!
Let their intrigues be their downfall.
Banish them for their many sins,
for they have rebelled against you.
11 But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

12 Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous;
you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

Merry Christmas

Celebrating the Birth of Our Creator and Savior

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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My boys. I pray they soon outgrow putting bunny ears on everyone and everything they pose with for pictures. They are posing with our homemade VeggieTales yard decorations.

In my defense I must add the disclaimer that I made these ornaments twelve years ago, before I knew Phil Vischer’s mom asked him to never turn baby Jesus into a vegetable. My purpose was not to be sacrilegious. I just didn’t want an empty manger so I placed a French pea there. (I’m sorry, Mrs. Vischer!)

Every year on Christmas morning our family traditionally reads the announcement of Christ’s birth from beginning to end in the Gospel of Luke.

This year in keeping with tradition we invited Max McLean, through Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Revive Our Hearts, into our home via the internet.

“So on this Christmas Day, this holy day, I thought it would be good to quiet our hearts and just focus on the words of Scripture. We’re going to listen to the simple Christmas story, and I hope you’ll be struck in a fresh way by the profound truth that God became man, Immanuel, God is with us.

Max McLean is an actor. He’s the president and artistic director of the Fellowship for the Performing Arts. And for the next few moments, we’ll hear Max bring the Scripture to life as God has uniquely gifted him to do.”

Listen to Max McLean reading from the book of Luke by clicking below.

The Real Christmas Story

Enjoy the fullness of the miracle we celebrate this Christmas day; Jesus—Baby, Savior and King of kings who will return for us. Come, Lord Jesus, come!

Breaking Free From Abuse: Listen, MP3 or Podcast

Breaking Free From Abuse: Listen, MP3 or Podcast

This is for sweet women suffering in abusive relationships who need to know God is on their side; I am too and I am praying for you.

If you or someone you know is suffering from physical, sexual, verbal or emotional abuse you need to realize, “The damage of abuse is lifetime damage unless you deal with it.” Don’t keep it secret. Name the abuse. “Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing.” THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE. Share your pain with someone you TRUST.

Pastor Rick Warren has a heart for the Lord and a heart for the Lord’s people.  Listen to Pastor Rick’s heart for women caught in abusive relationships. http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/daily-hope/listen/breaking-free-from-abuse-part-1-362323.html